I was listening to a radio personality bogart the airwaves between music sets taking about a man-friend. It was painful as a listener to hear her complaint. She’d known this guy for a while, they text everyday, hang out weekly and have a pretty solid friendship in her eyes. She’s confused because he went out of town for a week and he didn’t call or text. When he returned he told her that his phone broke. The guy host who was temporarily taken hostage for advice about her friend made two comments. Are you sure your friend went out of town and if I was out of town I wouldn’t purchase a new phone until I got home, especially if I was on a vacation. She responded, “Yeah, BUT….he could have called and he didn’t make any posts on social media or try to message me.”
As defined per me the word BUT- In conjunction with a previous made statement cancels out sound advice and replaces the harsh truth with bullshit to rationalize the feelings of rejection.
Whats really going on with her? Its obvious she likes him…Well, I don’t really know but it could be:
- She has put way to much of her heart into a noncommittal man-friendship.
- She feels entitled to his attention daily.
- Is hoping that one day he will realize how awesome she really is and transfer the friendship to a relationship.
- Has probably slept with him or given more hand jobs than she can keep track of and is emotionally attached.
- Doesn’t realize that how she relates to him is unhealthy for their friendship.
- She is reliable- Reliability on her part, to someone who is unwilling to commit, is worth more than the current trading value of gold to her man-friend.
- She’s too accessible.
- The mystery of what dating her could be like is gone.
- It’s not a mutual friendship if she feels slighted by his independence.
- He knows exactly how she operates because friends learn one another. Sadly, she’s opened up herself to someone who isn’t a safe home base for her emotional needs. She has manipulated the meaning of friendship to justify that she is attached and can’t shake the fact that she is the only one falling.
How many times do independent women need to smash our hearts into tiny pieces over our ideals of intimacy in false friendships with men? When will we slow down and go back to the basics? The world has changed in many ways for the good of women but the tired and true way of getting a man to commit hasn’t. Believe me, no matter how much new age bullshit is pumped into our minds, we are not equal to men when it comes to dating techniques.
Women like me keep trying to make a man fall in love, lets stop playing ourselves. Let the bastards chase us. Maybe, wait to give up the goods until we have the commitment we desire, and stop buying these guys shit. Shit= anything. If you find yourself daydreaming about a guy then he cannot be your friend. If you think he can be just a friend and you like him, then you’re in for a solo heart break. If you think that being one of the guys will make him want to take you out of the friend zone, it won’t. If you think that giving him money or helping him with family matters gives you a free pass to his heart- Check your motives. I wish I had checked my motives early on with a lot of fellas and stopped chasing.
Guys reveal themselves early on- it’s us who rationalize and ponder over the potential of what could be. Waiting is the hardest part, letting go of control has been my biggest challenge. You know why? Because guys don’t chase me. I’ve been the aggressor all my life. I have so many holes in my heart from not being accepted that it’s painfully obvious…within my family or with friends. I noticed a while ago that I needed some major renovations on the inside but it seems that I will be under construction longer than anticipated. Starting with a broken foundation doesn’t leave much room for solid repairs. I’ve had to tear down everything I thought I knew and rebuild. Thanks for letting me share.
—Even if no guy is currently around, slow your roll and get to know you better. At this point in life, I can honestly say I have no idea what my type is and by chasing I’ve never been able to see what I can attract. That’s a little troubling, but whatever. Better late than on my death bed.