Day 9: “The Awkward Virgin”

Today I got to work on a hysterical piece with a truly talented cast and crew.  It was truly awesome!

My check engine light has been on for over a month, freaked out and waiting for it to break down…My car finally decided to break down today and of course this is after the fact that I have spent over a grand trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with it. Fortunately, filming today was at an automotive repair shop. The timing couldn’t have been better and to my surprise it was diagnosed (by the owner) within twenty minutes and free of charge. Talk about good luck…and perfect timing.

There was one guy… Awkward Virgin, who was on set- made it obviously known that he was a virgin and quite awkward about it and here were a few of the clues:

  • 1. When you talk about sex more than a pre pubescent teenager its obvious you haven’t gotten any in… well lets just say….ever!
  • 2.  Staring and commenting on my cross necklace to sneak a peak at my cleavage is definitely a turn off.
  • 3.  Sniffing my hand while I’m applying fake sweat is just flat out creepy…
  • 4. Finding any excuse to be near me sends a red flag which sends another red flag to my brain that you have the potential to be the next best stalker (with a finders fee) posted on Americas Most Wanted list.
  • 5.  Admitting to never being in a strip club after living for a quarter century should be kept a secret.
  • 6.  Raising your eyebrow as a “HHEEELLLOO!  YOU’RE HOT!” anytime eye contact is made to get a green light is soooo 1996… since Zach from Saved by the Bell actually– ok, fine, Matt LeBlanc from Friends, then.  Not too long ago, but still way past fad.
  • 7. Stop making sex jokes…  seriously…  no, seriously, what are you?  Like 14?

Besides being slightly distracted by Awkward Virgin’s awkward presence, I took yesterday’s advice of how to turn a long day into a great day: I developed a kindergarten crush on one of the actors:  He was dark, handsome, with a boyish smile, and had a great sense of humor…I must say that when he asked me to personally record all of his takes I was thrilled. Someone that good looking is easy to watch. It’s not the first time I’ve taken an interest in someone who is creative and drop dead gorgeous. It’s a turn on to see someone of that nature in his element, uninhibited and insanely gorgeous.

All I could think about in my slutty little brain when we wrapped for the day and said our goodbyes was keeping the ladies “big and perky, big and perky” as he pressed his rock hard chest and 12 pack abs against my body.  I could think about sex without actually having it! It was the best goodbye hug I’d given in a long time!

The Awkward Virgin was the guy I was trying hard to avoid, although I had to do his makeup and the hunky dark actor was the guy I couldn’t keep my eyes off of!  I’ve never had so much fun thinking about how sexy someone was by being themselves and doing what they love without having sex!  It was fantastic and I was glowing!

NOT having sex is finally making me realize what my “true type” might be and notice the awkward virgins more and more… I feel like there’s one on every set, every classroom, and every job!  I’m noticing that I’m becoming a more observational person:  Awkward Virgins trying hard to convince everyone around him that he is the stud he isn’t and hot creative actors that actually have game.  Maybe I’m into actors… Maybe that’s my thing… They’re hired to have fun and perform, overcoming pressure, and looking good… Yeah, actors are definitely my type… Or at least one of my types.

I’m still smiling ear to ear from my silly kindergarten crush on this hunky, dark actor.  I love what I do as a makeup artist, but little did he know by just being himself he turned a good day into a big and perky day!

Here’s to 357 days, Veronica Graham- Today was a sextastic day-

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