Day 21: “Top 10 Ugly Hot Guys”

I have a full blown crush- on an ugly hot guy.  I love these because they stay hot forever!!!  These guys don’t come around too often, but when they do, man, do the panties want to drop!  They’re so hot in their ugliness that they’re not ugly at all.  These are guys that ALL women want, they’re non traditional, but their sexiness is so engrained in them that the female population cannot deny how hot these ugly guys are.  These guys get the hottest girls out there, because they can.  To give you an idea- I’ve compiled a list of the top 10 Ugly Hot Guys:

10: Hugh Grant.  My crush looks a lot like Hugh Grant.  There’s something about his big blue eyes and the way he’s so passionate about love and you know, whatever romantic stuff he rants about in his movies that make you look past his bad hair and want to grab it- Kissing him and shouting, “Yes!  We are meant to be!  Keep talking to me in that sexy accent and poetry you bad, bad boy!”

9: Eric Balfor.  DAMN, THAT ASS!!!  What else do I need to say?

8. Seth Rogan.  Sure, he looks like a teddy bear- I mean, really like a teddy bear… like if we were in some weird alternate universe where teddy bears came to life as humans.  But his humor makes him as sexy as any 6 pack Baywatch sex machine.  He’s so funny that I just want to make out with him, then pause to hear more jokes.  I can imagine sex with this guy is as fun as it would get.

7.Michael Cera.  Don’t you just want to destroy his innocence?  Don’t worry, baby, you don’t need to be so nervous- I’ll turn you into a real man.

6. Jon Heder.  Any guy that can dance like he does at the end of Napoleon Dynamite with those moon boots has more than a few moves in the sack.  Plus, have you seen those lips?   Definitely need take advantage of those during foreplay.

5. Javier Bardem.  Please take me away on a boat to whatever island and teach me how to spear fish, assassinate bad guys, and have sex on the beach while the waves crash into our naked bodies!

4. Adrien Brody.  That man can carry his nose with the confidence of a man with an erect penis in the middle of a crowd.  He doesn’t care, because he knows he’s better and bigger than everyone.  Sing me a song, play the piano, or say something sensitive- how nice of a man to do all these things when he knows he’s gonna get lucky.

3. Vincent Cassel.  Teach ME about passion!  Let me respond to your touch!  Forget Nina, Dammit!

2. Mikhail Baryshnikov.  Damn!  I get chills just looking at him!  Seriously, I do get chills.  He’s so sexy with those dance moves and stamina… I can’t say more…

AND Number One IS:

1. Mick Jagger.  Let me get this one thing straight- there is nothing ugly about this man.  He deserves a blow job just by walking into a room.  If he doesn’t get it- I’m disappointed with you ladies of the world.  Tsk tsk tsk, shame shame shame.

Now, what to do about my work crush turned full blown crush.  I can barely speak to him.  Last night I went to grab some drinks at work with some friends and it was so easy to ignore my company because I was staring at my crush the entire time.  Today I stepped it up and broke the touch barrier- as I was reaching for something, I touched his shoulder to say, “could you move aside a couple millimeters?  Thanks, now I have enough room to reach for that pepper shaker.”  My freaky staring started to wig him out and he avoided me the rest of the night.  I have no game!  If I wanted to land this ugly hunk, then I needed to learn how to flirt like a housewife and not a ho.

Here’s to 345 Days, Veronica Graham, I need to go through my wardrobe too- all my clothes scream stripper… sigh-

One Response to “Day 21: “Top 10 Ugly Hot Guys””

  1. You forgot Van Diesel!! He looks like an ugly caveman had a child with a gorilla, which got its face stuck in an industrial wood chipper. But some women seem to like him.

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