Day 31: “The Farm Animal Massacre”

I left my house early for work today because the silent argument that has been brewing lately between my father and I is starting to upset me. I haven’t really spoken to any of my family members since I started this blog.  I know he knows about the blog and he knows that I know he knows, so we’re stuck in how to bring up my “turn a Ho into a Housewife” blog.

What am I missing exactly? Attention.  I used to think that if I kept my room clean, or emptied the dishwasher every time the wash finished, mowed the lawn and cooked a fantastic dinner, I could easily win my families approval and have them reach out to me… However, at this point it’s not enough, I still just feel there and I’m running out of ideas and patience.  Acting out was the only way I’d get any kind of acknowledgement from my Dad’s side of my family: when I did cocaine, smoked crack, got arrested, striped in San Francisco, or dating an ex-con.

When I was dating Iago and he was getting heavy into the drug game again despite my efforts of pleading with him to stop for the sake of our relationship. I planned a dinner date for the both of us- just to get him and I together for some quality time together. I went to the grocery store and grabbed the best bottle of wine and recipes for his favorite dish that I’ve prepared for him before. I went to his place prior to his arrival… set the table to a five star restaurant caliber and began cooking. He walked in from his day job, looked at the candle-lit table and sat down to play his X-Box.

I thought, “huh….maybe he had a rough day and I should just let him unwind.” I had given him a little too much credit.  He then proceeded to start bagging up his shit to sell and I noticed his “dealer phone” was already turned on and ready to start making deals for the evening. He didn’t even acknowledge me with a Hi, hello, the candle lit table, or the delectable smells coming from his kitchen.

Again, my inner HULK came out- I turned bright green and started cursing.  I reached for spatulas, peppershakers, and plates to throw!

“What’s wrong with you?” Iago asked.  “I’m gonna be right back.”

“No, you won’t!”

Iago walked out the door and I flipped out.  I threw the asparagus that was sautéing on the stove- haha!  Just something else for this asshole to come back home to!  But it wasn’t enough… My anger wasn’t satisfied.  I grabbed a pair of scissors from the kitchen and started hunting for something to cut.  I walked into his bedroom and saw his small collection of stuffed animals and cut each of their heads off with the kitchen scissors.  They were all farm animals: A pig, duck, and baby chick were all beheaded from my rage, bleeding white fluffy stuffing.  Still… My rage, it was brewing and my hulk green hands ripped the stuffing out of the three beheaded animals and I threw the evidence of my crime all over Iago’s apartment.

I stood there, panting, with my scissors in one hand, staring at my murder scene.  Fluff was everywhere, the duck’s body was lying in the living room and the pig was now without arms or legs… It was now just a pink round body. 

I dropped the scissors, overwhelmed with the crime of passion I just committed, “You’re CRAZY!”  I said to myself. 

In my last attempt to redeem myself, I sewed the ducks head back onto his body to try and revive it…  It didn’t work… the duck was gone.

After this incident, I fled the apartment and went home.  Iago called me the following morning, more out of concern for me than what I did to his poor farm animals- we spoke on the phone for hours- just the kind of attention I wanted from him.

I’m not acting out anymore in order to get my Dad to invite me to spend time with him, or go to the movies, or to give me some encouraging words- so, now it’s just silence between us.  We’ll talk about standard small talk: weather, how was your day, etc.  But I wonder what can be done to get my Dad to just want to hang out with me.

Here’s to 335 Days, Veronica Graham, Feel too guilty to walk into Toys”R”Us since…

One Response to “Day 31: “The Farm Animal Massacre””

  1. very nice reading!rich information, i think you should consider add your site to the new business microblogging network called

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