Day 45: “The Asian Girl Blues and Wrath”

One emotion Kimmie doesn’t wear well is Sad.  Being a Taurus and also part Asian, she’s able to keep up a strong face most of the time, grin and bear her way through audition after audition, a high demanding job, and relationship woes.  Kimmie met up with me last night to air some of her grievances and ventilate a little- if the roles were reversed as they have been in the past- Kimmie would have listened to me with open ears and probably free of alcohol.  Me, on the other hand, didn’t know what to do other than make her drink.  All in all, it turned into a pretty good night with little venting and a lot of booze… however, doubtful if it really helped any of her Asian Girl Blues.

The emotion I can’t handle is Anger.  When I’m angry, I wear it like an overcoat.  A long, bright red, and noticeable coat.  I can’t hide it and before I know it, everyone is giving me the wide-eyed worried look like, “Is she gonna snap?”  Look, I know this is a problem, but on the other hand, why the hell do people feel like it’s all right to talk down to people?  Is there a way of putting them in their place without snapping at them like the Hulk or should I just keep my mouth shut like a pushover?  I know there’s probably a balance in there somewhere, but I’ve yet to find it.

About a year and a half ago, I kept calling Kimmie while she was in meetings all day working on a promotional piece for a film. For some reason or another I decided to call her phone nonstop even though I knew she was unavailable: I was upset and I wanted to talk about it at that moment. I had seen a flyer made for the film and was pist off because I thought my name should be on a flyer and it wasn’t.  It had the three major players names on it: The director, producer, and writer.  In all honesty, it wouldn’t make sense to have my name on it. I’m the make up artist for crying out loud.

That point of logic escaped me and I was furious.

I wanted recognition for something. I didn’t deserve the recognition I was looking for nor was it relevant for a fucking make up artist name to be on a promotional flyer for a film. My pride had gotten the best of me, and AGAIN it was with a relationship that I valued.  So When Kimmie finally called me back, it was only a moment before I demanded to know why my name wasn’t on the flyer.

“Um….” Kimmie started.  “Because you’re just the makeup artist.”

“JUST the makeup artist?!”

I put up a pointless argument and the next morning, I was even more pist off when I didn’t get an apology from Kimmie.  I called her as she was on her way to work.

“I was kind of hoping from an apology from you,” Kimmie said.  When I started yelling at her, she hung up on me.  This really got me going and I texted her something I would come to regret- an ultimatum.  It’s the flyer or me…  Kimmie hates bullshit and I got the boot.

I was working with her at a job that she had graciouosly recommended to me, and because of her good reputation with the company I was hired. Although the conflict was strictly our business I couldn’t shake the feeling that I DESERVED to be on that flyer and she was of course, out to get me (borderline clue #4532).  She was threatened by me and purposely didn’t put my name on that flyer!

I started taking shit about her to my boss and other coworkers of ours because in my mind I had been wronged. This shit talking of mine lasted for months: Four months to be exact.  I was obsessed with talking bad about her.  Everyone that knew us mutually would hear my Kimmie Hate Rant.  It started to sink in months later that maybe I had overreacted and POSSIBLY have been wrong. After that notion I would try to approach Kimmie and start a conversation that required a response. FAILED.

“Can I call you tomorrow for help on these costume orders?” I asked her.

“No,” she said.

Ouch.  I knew she probably knew about my shit talking.  She knew me well…oh yes, she knew. She saw through my bullshit and called my bluff until I had proven how to be a good friend again, and recognize what I was actually apologizing for- not just saying sorry to say it.

I wish I could say that magically we were BFF”S again, but that wasn’t the case. It was a long process and a journey I can look back on now and see where I went wrong and most importantly how and why I WAS wrong. I learned more about what it meant to be MUA in film and television. I recognized that the reward for being a MUA is the art itself.

I was invited to a screening for a film that Kimmie was in and also got me a on set as the MUA for the film.  She put on a smile, hugged me and told me that I looked great.  The theater was full of people that were going to work on the film that I had lost my spot in because I let my anger get the best in me.  I lost it.  I cried in the bathroom hysterically.  Not only because I couldn’t be a part of the film, but because I had lost my best friend.

Obviously, things ended up working out between Kimmie and I- slowly, and I can say that we’re closer now than ever before.  Kimmie is loyal by nature and although it’s not easy to get the role as a friend of hers- she’s worth the effort.  And DAMN, you don’t want that girl on your bad side!

Here’s to 321 Days, Veronica Graham, Hope you’re feeling better today, Kimmie-

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