Day 48: “Kimmie vs. Veronica”

I’d like to apologize to the readers for not posting this entry sooner, I’m still abstinent and I’m still writing every day. I haven’t had the heart to post any entry after “Day 47” because Kimmie was helping me since “Day 1” and is no longer helping me. I’m trying to write stories worth reading, but without Kimmie’s helping hand to walk me through it, it’s been a daily struggle. She was and still is one of my motivations to continue on this journey of abstinence. I’m officially on my own, and I have no choice but to keep going because Kimmie taught me better than that. She always believed in the saying “the show must go on.

This is what happened on “Day 48″…

On Thursdays I usually meet with my dad for lunch, but we rescheduled for next week. I’m still freaking out about my fight with Kimmie and we haven’t spoken since last night. She has a way of making the hair on the back of neck stand up when she’s pist. You really don’t want to be on her bad side and I’m there and it’s scary. We always joke around and say that we are married to one another, but if this is what marriage is like then I can wait. Like any distressed wife would do, I called up and met with my mother for lunch. We met at a local Burger King because Mother Graham deserves nothing but the best and I’m broke.  

She took a bite into her burger and said “Veronica, Van Gogh was crazy and look what he did!”

Okay Mom, he also killed himself and I’m NO Van Gogh. I’m a slut trying to write about how NOT to be a slut anymore.”

Well I was just saying…” as she grabs one of my fries. 

I left feeling more disturbed than when I got there, but I was happy to see her. I confessed that I didn’t know how to finish the blog without my best friend and as long as she was pist off- the writing would stop being published, she could be such a bitch sometimes. MG said that if I was honest with the readers they might understand. So here it is…

If I couldn’t meet up to write and discuss a story with Kimmie I would be on my own, unless she had time to meet up at a bar or coffee shop . She would review what I had written, fix anything and/or everything and post it later. Some nights we had to conference call it, and some nights we were too drunk, tired or overworked to think about it. Some days I would sit there with a blank stare and just hand her my laptop and start talking. She is book smart, and a better writer. I waited today for the call that said she had forgiven me, but in the back of mind I knew it wasn’t going to happen. I hoped that I would log into the Veronica Graham account and see that she had started writing something, and all I ever saw was a blank screen.  My panic set it in and I knew that this particular fight had pushed her away- permanently. Her Asian fury is a force to reckon with and she was unsatisfied with my apology and I could feel it in the air. She would say to me, “you can always feel a shift in energies, always” in regards to the people you hold closest to your heart. 

Kimmie had access to all of my stories through wordpress.com, my VG email account, twitter and even facebook. I don’t have the option of checking in all time and I trusted her with the accounts and monitoring our progress. She has been able to take a story I tell or TRY to write and make it better and/or worth reading. All of the stories are true, and I wasn’t able to do this on my own in the beginning. I’ve been in tears over some of my entries, drunker than a skunk for others and ready to jump off the Woodrow Wilson bridge with many. This blog is allowing me to hold myself accountable for the first time in my life, and it’s not easy. 

Before I posted “Day 47” I asked Kimmie to look it over and she did. I assumed we were ok after the text “looks good“, but I was dead wrong. I broke the silence through a text earlier today because I started on “Day 48” alone and it SUCKED! I sent her a text saying, “If you feel like helping, you can change what you feel until we get through our drama…I guess it’s the only way. Hope you have a good day.” Kimmies response, “Really? Why would you want a lying, self righteous and over educated snobby bitch to help you? I read it….it’s flat, just so you know. I’m not going to actively make changes until you learn to take responsibility for crossing the line.” I had blown it with Kimmie and I knew it. On “Day 47” I was yelling and screaming at her like a PSYCHO bitch, and was out of line when I called her all of those things she mentioned in the text….way out of line. She wanted a better apology, and I couldn’t give one.

Kimmie was able to take a look at my life objectively in ways that I’m still learning. We were partners in crime and were planning to turn this “Ho Recovery” into something special- a book. I don’t know if anyone will still be interested in my blog after today, but I’m going to bust my ass trying to write a good story every day because I owe it to all the readers, my family, friends…er-ex-friends, Kimmie and most importantly- to myself. 

Here’s to 318 days, Veronica Graham, I lied when I said I was in it alone-

One Response to “Day 48: “Kimmie vs. Veronica””

  1. you know who Says:

    Veronica- you’re doing great, yes you shouldn’t have treated your very great friend Kimmie that way, but sometimes “SHIT HAPPENS”. All you can do now is continue on your journey, be kind to all, and treat everyone, EVERYONE the way YOU want to be treated. Its awesome to have a friend like Kimmie to be there to help and support you with your writing. But in the end its still your story and regardless of the way its written, its intriguing to read and leaving me on the edge of my seat to what will come next. As an old friend of yours, I believe in you, and I know that with time (like us) you and Kimmie will come together again, and you will be a great friend to her in return. You can’t get upset or mad at her for being upset or mad at you. In a way “best girlfriends” are like husband and wife, or wife and wife… its a relationship that requires love, compassion, support, communication etc. And maybe that’s what you need to focus on a little bit more too, is healthy communication. Breath, think and don’t just lash out on the ones who are closest to you. Its a control thing that you need to get a hold of.

    Kimmie, If you are reading this, from a old friend of Veronica’s, this too shall pass. Thank you from me to you for being there for her. Deep down she is a great person, and is just lost on her path to greatness. She gets this greatness from you, me and all of her friends, close or not, we have all been there in one way or another, and its sometimes just the way of life. We are all still learning, and no one is perfect. But with each others support we can become great, with a piece of all of us in each other.

    Make amends, things could be worse. Be grateful it was just a silly fight, and you haven’t lost each other for good. Best to both… and Veronica, I look forward to more blogs… You give me a reason to READ!!

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