Day 51: “Hook line and Sink-her”

I woke up pist off and went to the Irish bar to work a double. While standing in my ugly ass server uniform from noon to midnight today I almost lost it at work. I can’t handle being a server too many hours in a day, because I hate being a server.  It’s easy for a girl like me to morph into super server and sell every goddamn special on menu because I’ve been doing it since I was in highschool. I honestly don’t give a shit about anything besides making money for the restaurant and filling my pockets every night with twenties. I’m the server who is super annoying and overbearing with EVERY table. I walk up to each table and give a passionate and detailed overview of the menu, and convince each guest to order what I suggest. The Irish would love to fire me, but I make the guests feel important long enough to ensure their return to the bar again with my cheshire grin.

I got pretty bored at work so I decided to people watch on my shift and watch guys pick up chicks.  It’s similar to watching professional sport fishing, but instead of baiting for fish they are baiting for a piece of ass. Their only agenda is to get some semi-decent looking girl to get drunk enough to say “YES! I will have sex with you and leave afterward!” when they kindly offer a ride home before last call.  I walked up to one of my tables after I finished day dreaming about having sex with my work crush because it’s hard to focus on my job when every time he comes in for a beer I stare at him the entire time.

I watched a tall, dark and handsome guy come in and sit alone at a table that could seat six to eight people easily…cha ching! I was stoked because I was getting bored and I really wanted to walk back and forth from the bar delivering beer on a tray while eyeballing my work crush. I got to the table, smiled, said hello and asked if he wanted a drink while he was waiting for his friends. He declined and I just stood there looking awkward.

He seemed a bit nervous and that made me nervous so I pestered him until he opened up to me. He told me that he had just met a beautiful, tall, blue-eyed blonde at the grocery store across the street and that he wanted to sit at a table closest to the door to watch her walk in because he picked her up at the check out line.  I was instantly hooked and wanted to hear the details. He told me that he walked up to her standing in line and stopped dead in his tracks and said, ” You’re the most beautiful women I have ever seen please let me buy you a drink tonight!” She accepted the offer and now he was waiting for her arrival. I thought it was lame pick up line, but what’s it to me?

 I was at another table when she came in, but I saw them talking and didn’t want to ruin the fisherman’s concentration on trying to reel the big one in just yet. I waited and watched him reel her in ever so slowly before I went to get their drink order. She was sitting awfully close to this guy and seemed to like him. When I got to the table he ordered a beer and she asked for a mojito. FYI- don’t go into an Irish bar and order a mojito- a bartenders worst nightmare is when a debutante rolls in and orders a fruity, foofy drink or anything that involves a blender. She was beautiful to say the least, and had a british accent. It dawned on me that I had seen this guy in here before with other girls and I felt a little bad for the girl. He just wanted to enjoy the catch and cut the line. 

It’s kinda evil- a mans ploy to get you to have sex with him as soon as he meets you. It really is. I’ve watched tons of movies where random incidents lead some character to find love in a nonconventional way and it leads to true love.  Unfortunately, in the real world I’ve only ended up with a hangover and a freshly fucked hairdo.

Here’s to 315 days, Veronica Graham- Don’t swallow the bait-

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