Day 56: “Scheming Slut”

I saw Mother Graham this afternoon and we had lunch at Red Robin, we are ALL about fine dining. It’s my sisters birthday this week and after lunch my mom and I decided to go shopping for a birthday gift for her at a local thrift store. My mom and I have the sickest sense of humor, and I LOVE IT!  We picked out the ugliest dress we could find, it was shit brown and had a white bow that you could tie at the neck on it. We also found a book published in 1960 on how to be a successful lawyer. My sister is applying to law schools in DC and NY, so we thought a book on the United States justice system from almost a half century ago would be helpful. MG and I were in tears, we couldn’t stop laughing about our plan to overnight her special birthday gift. To top it off, we sent a Christmas card with the “Merry Christmas” crossed out and a “Happy Birthday” written over it. We had a great time, but I had to leave early to make it on time for work at the Irish bar.

After what seemed to be the longest shift ever I decided to have a beer and a smoke. I must be cured after last nights AA meeting because I really feel good about not returning to another one until I finish this 365 day vow. Today was the day that I found the courage within to walk over to the “cool” table where all the Irish and token Americans sit. I was really nervous, but my work crush was sitting at one of the tables and I couldn’t resist.  I decided in that moment that tonight was going to be the night I made my move. I was going to make him notice me, talk to me, and offer him a car ride home after I finished my second beer (it’s better than 6) because he told me once that he lives within walking distance from the bar. Yup, I’m a schemer.

I had to get him alone and away from the crowd, and devised a plan that was going to work. I’m a woman who knows what she
wants and when I have an idea that I believe will turn out in my favor, in regards to getting to know someone I like- I will do whatever it takes to make it happen. I wanted him alone with me, and I had a change of clothes in my locker. I quickly changed before I made my grand entrance because I was going in for the kill- I had to look and feel sexy. I was wearing a pair of racey blue sandals with a floral print skirt and a baby tee…oh yeah, I’m a sexy bitch!

Even though I went to an AA meeting yesterday I still won’t give up drinking entirely. It’s safe for me to assume that I’m a somewhat-functioning alcoholic. So, I ordered a beer form the bartender to calm my nerves and walked over to the table where my work crush was sitting. I had the confidence of a supermodel and strategically sat at one of the tables behind him. After I ordered my second beer I realized that the “cool” table wasn’t as cool as I thought it would be. I was glad to be over the stress of being to scared to walk over and sit with the Irish for good.

My work crush was getting ready to leave after I finished my 2nd beer, and planning to get a ride from a different server. I started to panic at the thought of losing this golden opportunity that I created. SOoooo I stood up and shouted in front of all my coworkers as he was standing up to leave, “I CAN TAKE YOU HOME!” He turned around in what seemed like slow motion and said “OK?!” He looked a bit nervous after he realized what he said, but his alternate ride was already gone before he could
change his mind.

When we got to his house, had a couple beers and I began talking his ear off. He asked me what my problem was because he had noticed that I looked sad a lot of the time. I told him that I felt alone in the world and that sometimes I get in a funk. I told him that I made a vow of abstinence for a year to find true love, and that I was certifiably crazy but had a good heart. He laughed and stated how stupid it was for an experienced girl to give up sex and said that masturbating contradicted it all. He also added that ALL Americans want to find love and most end up divorced. He thinks that people should just do whatever makes them happy, instead of putting titles and limitations on each other.

I told him that I really missed what it felt like to be held in the arms of a man, but as long as I keep my legs shut I would survive another day. He finished his beer, took me by the hand and said “come up stairs with me!”  When we got into his room we continued chatting about our views on abortions and the state of America (sounds exciting, eh?). I loved that he loved to debate. I asked him to play me a song and he grabbed his guitar and started to strum it, I just sat and listened until the moment passed and he asked me to stay the night.

I crawled into his bed after I took my sandals off, and kept ALL of my clothes on…he said he usually slept naked, but decided a tee shirt and shorts would be a better idea given the circumstance. I curled up next to him and started talking about religion (go figure). I found out in the midst of our heated discussions on life, religion, politics and sex that when he lived in overseas, he met and fell in love with a girl. After sometime passed and things were going great he and she decided to move back to home in Euroland together, and they did. Their romance was short lived and ended when she left him, he then came back to DC and has been working here ever since. I could tell that he was hurt by her, and finally stopped talking when he wrapped his arms around me.

Here’s to 310 days, Veronica Graham, Nothing beats getting a hug when you’re feeling lonely-

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