Day 118: “The Drink Debt”

Kimmie and I went to the bar after she got back from Vermont last night. We went to our local spot to catch up, and as soon as we found a place to sit a guy approached us. He informed us that he had already ordered us a round of Long Island Ice Teas, and walked them to our table. LIT’s, as you know, have more alcohol in them than most mixed drinks. As first glance, you would think that it was a kind gesture since most men offer to buy seemingly avaialable women drinks at a bar.

When “Redneck” brought the drinks to the table Kimmie shot him a look, and “Redneck” was a bit startled. He said “I hope I didn’t offend you“, and she explained that she was feeling naseous from being in the car for ten hours jacked up on caffeine. She couldn’t drink it because she felt ill and just wanted a gingerale. I on the other hand blurted out “I’m not easily offended!” He dropped off the drinks and walked back over to the bar that was within 2 feet from where we were sitting. The bartender is a friend of mine and asked why I looked so uncomfortable and I just said that I was tired. I wasn’t really and he and I both knew that. Fortunately, the drinks had nearly NO alcohol in it, but what if we weren’t at our local spot?

This sounds innnocent enough, but it really isn’t. Kimmie and I like to call this type of behavior “The drink debt”. The drink debt is when a guy buys you a drink that probably doesn’t cost more than 7 dollars in order to mark his territory, and send a signal to the other men at the bar that your spoken for. It’s comparable to a guy given a girl his jacket. It also means that he has the right to talk to you whenever he pleases and if you decline your a bitch.

One of “Rednecks” friends, as we were leaving shouted “Aren’t you gonna talk to the guy that bought you a drink?” I was dumbfounded because I had no interest in him or his drink, and he was the one that took the initiative to order a drink for us as soon as we sat down. The guy had already bought the drinks and sat them in front of me, should I have just drank it and been a bitch later or stop it in it’s tracks? As far as I was concerned, I didn’t owe him anything besides a “thank you”. Obviously his motives weren’t honorable.

By the time we left the bar, the guys were mad at me and not Kimmie. I gave them the ok when I said that I wasn’t easily offended, and I wondered what I could have done to stop this. I’m pretty sure that I send mixed signals ALL the time when it comes to guys. I stopped dressing like a slut, but just because I wear more conservative clothes doesn’t mean that I’m not sending off the vibe that I’m willing and available. It’s aggravating that I can’t seem to shake my slut vibe, just yet. Even last night when I dragged Kimmie out back to talk with me while I was smoking a cigarette this guy approached us and was rambling on about how hot we were, while stumbling around. He kept his distance from Kimmie, but when he looked at me he slurred “I like your belt” and grabbed it.

Women have a way of throwing out there scent to attract men, and even other women can tell when another woman is trying to get laid. I could be dressed in jeans or a dress, it doesn’t matter because I’m learning that all change has to start from within. If a cheetah was in a bear suit would that mean its not a cheetah anymore? It’s helped that I’ve toned down my wardrobe, but thats not all that needs to change. I’m still thinking of ways that I could have avoided spraying my scent all over the place. I’m still screaming from the inside out that I’m approachable no matter where I go.

In our society, it seems that men still feel that they have to exert their dominance over women, in almost every situation. It’s socially acceptable for a guy to buy a drink for a women at a bar even when they haven’t asked for one or verbally given the ok. Looking back, I should have just said thanks but I’m not interested, and unavailable. At least then “Redneck” could have moved on instead of waiting for me to come around. His feelings may have been hurt initially, but it would have been better than leading him on.

Here’s to 248 days, Veronica Graham- Ladies, be warned that when you spray your scent, everyone can smell it.

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