Day 176-177: “Waking up to Reality”

Yesterday was awesome! I had two makeup jobs and then met up with my dad, stepmom and brother for dinner. We had a great time, and I felt at ease with them for the first time in a long time. When I arrived at the restaurant I was in my favorite boots, an army green jacket that has a skull on it and black skinny jeans. My family looked like they had just stepped out of a Brooks Brother magazine… Some things never change. After dinner my brother and I headed to 711 to grab snacks before watching Aladdin. I pulled into a handicapped parking spot and I didn’t think much of it until I got called out by a group of teenagers loitering outside. One of the guys glared at me and said “You’re not handicapped! Don’t park there!” I took a drag of my cigarette and said “I’m not parked…The car is still on!” My brother informed me that the guy I was arguing with had a learning disability, our family was friends with his and that I should take it easy. Before I could drive off  I heard “At least we aren’t the ones arguing with a bunch of teenagers!” I didn’t have a come back strong enough so I drove off.

After nearly crying myself to death I feel like I’ve been cleansed of some of the nonsense that runs through my brain. While I was having dinner with my family I realized how much time I’ve lost an missed opportunities I’ve had to treat them kindly and with love. I walk around with a chip on my shoulder, well more like a boulder. I’ve noticed that there are two sides to me. My “gangster wannabe” side and my “make love not war” hippie side. In between make up jobs yesterday I watched how people interact with one another. People with families, children screaming at their parents, teenage girls dressed alike, new lovers holding hands, etc. I realized that people just want to be understood and accepted.

I can’t take back the time I lost with my family in Pleasantville when I was running around causing trouble. I wish I knew then what I know today. I now know that my family loves me warts and all (just kidding). My mother will always be a wanderer and my sister and I might never see eye to eye but thats okay. I have been blessed with Kimmie who is my sister from another mister and she will always be in my life, just like my crazy family. I see now that life is short, like really short and your not promised tomorrow. What would happen if I didn’t get the chance to make amends with the people I love or have hurt? Everytime I glance at the news I see new murder cases, missing children reports, conflict in other countries, people starving in third world countries, or people dying of aids or cancer. While I sit at home and bitch about a guy that doesn’t like me or how I’m almost 30 and live at home.

Regardless of all the bullshit I have been through or put myself through I’m able to talk about it today and grow from it. I have no idea what new adventure tomorrow holds for me, but I know that my family has been patiently waiting and supporting me for years to WAKE THE FUCK UP and do something with my life versus complaining about what I don’t have.

Heres to what could have been 190-189 Days, Veronica Graham, Damn teenagers got the best of me.

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