Day 217-220: “Out of the Woods”

Lately there have been a number of men from my past coming out of the woodwork.  What’s interesting is that this is all happening at the same time… and I can’t help but be a little curious as to why.  What triggered a handful of my exes trying to get back into my good graces?  Why now?  You should know that none of these guys have any relation to each other and are from varied points of my past.

I feel like that main character in a romantic comedy- at the near-end of the movie.  You know exactly what point I’m talking about.  It’s where she stupidly wishes for some jackass to realize how wonderful she is and to come crawling to her throughout the ENTIRE movie, until the point at the almost-end when he finally does and she has an epiphany that she no longer wants him.  This is a classic formula, we saw it in Legally Blonde, Bridget Jone’s DiaryThe Ugly Truth, and He’s Just Not That Into You.  Yes, that’s me… at the almost-end of those movies… typically the epiphany comes from some extraordinary guy that secretly sweeps the main character off her feet so smoothly, she doesn’t even know it… The secret weapon?  A guy that sees the girl as being amazing just the way she is, flaws and all.  Except, it’s just me right now.  No boyfriend, no fuck buddies, no more coffee dates, and no one telling me to forget about those losers and that I’m perfect just the way I am.  However, I had ZERO inkling to call any of these guys and tell them how much I’ve missed them.

Did I miss these guys?  Yes. Did I want exactly what happened?  Yes.  So…. why am I not only super unimpressed, but PISSED OFF at these guys.  Because, boys, I saw the light in the deep dark woods.  It didn’t take some guy who loved me exactly for what I was, it took ME working to love me for who I am.  Sure, I have issues with myself… a few things I’m still working on…. OK, fine, a giant list of things I’m still working on.  But I do know what bullshit excuse for a relationship I was given from these guys I deserve a hell of a lot better.  I deserved better than dodging my phone calls, saying *insert excuse* why *insert ANY exes name* couldn’t be in a relationship with me, and lecturing me of all the ways I need to change in order to even be worth a second glance.

All I can say is thank God one of these guys didn’t contact me when I was too stupid to know I deserved to be treated- not like a princess, but with a thread of respect.  So, yes, I’m PISSED that YOU *and you all know who you all are* made your efforts to contact me.  I’m PISSED because you think I forgot about all the times you made me feel not worth being with and that I should be so lucky to even allow your golden magic dicks to fuck me.

The good news is that I haven’t even LOOKED at a guy in four days.  I’ve kept my focus on my female friends and have had tunnel vision while I’m at work: focusing on, tada!,  Work, instead of hot guys.  I believe I’ll find the guy I’m meant to be with, but I’ve realized that I can’t spend so much energy on guys and need to focus on myself instead.  So many times my friends will say that “the one” just happened… So, I’ve got to just live my life and let life happen.

Here’s to what could have been 148-145  days, Veronica Graham, Damn, One Republic, sing it for these assholes-

One Response to “Day 217-220: “Out of the Woods””

  1. "That guy" or 'Pathological Liar' on this blog, though that's debatable Says:

    Always wishing you the best. As part of my own therapy, I’ve gone and apologized in person or ‘written notes’ to any women I can recall that I may have harmed either directly or inadvertently and made amends. I hope you find success in your future relationships and I am glad to hear that you’ve come to the realization that self improvement leads to much more sustainable and healthy relationships than anything else; including drugs, alcohol, and sexual promiscuity, which seem to catalyze destructive behavior. I never looked down on you, I just saw unmet potential and wanted to see when you’d seize it. As your self esteem and sense of self-worth continues to improve, so too will the quality of your relationships and the people you attract into your life. Best of luck.

    -“That guy” who wrote you a note last night.

    Good karma goes far in this world.

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