Day 226-232: “Scratch My Back and I’ll Stab Yours”

I’ve been thinking about the Golden Rule lately.  “Do as you would be done by.”    I’ve screwed over a lot of people back in the day, but I was screwed over a lot as well.  I thought this was normal.  I thought ALL people were like this: manipulative, out for themselves, and would stab you in the back over a hot guy in a heartbeat.

I’ve learned that is untrue… however, MOST people are like that.  It is a rare to run into someone who takes the moral high ground and I’ve been fucking working hard to be one of those people.  In this lesson, I discovered the meaning of loyalty and have a lot of questions about the meaning of friendship.

What defines a friend?  OK, and I don’t mean look it up on, but how exactly do you measure a GOOD friend?  or a TRUE friend?  Mother Graham called me flipping out that Kimmie was actually a terrible friend to me and I’ve heard this from my own former posse as well.  Kimmie mostly sticks to herself and so my former posse has had very little interaction with her and Mother Graham has had zero interaction with her…  But I do understand their suspicion.  Kimmie has a very select few that’s she’s loyal to and that are loyal to her- the numbers stay small because once she’s crossed (maliciously), you’re out.  Is this the way to be?  Or should you be more flexible with your friends, allow them to fuck you over now and again and if you do the same- oh well, it’s a part of life, right?  WHAT?!  The more I think about this, the more it makes zero sense to me.  Sure, people make mistakes… but what is the motive behind them?  Innocent mistake?  Or selfish moments?  So if I were to create a formula for measuring a friend it would have to be… shit, I don’t know.. except that maybe a friend that’s able to remain loyal to you is a true friend.  This is the person that doesn’t talk shit behind your back because someone has started, has the courage to take a stand, and won’t move forward into anything that might hurt their friend… this includes going on a date with your friend’s crush or befriending those who have hurt your friend.

I’ve had friends from one group that I’ll introduce to another, and suddenly they’re friends while cutting me out of the equation…Umm OK, fuck you too. I’ve learned this is a major GIRL CODE NO NO.  It’s unspoken, so when it happens, it’s rarely talked about, but certainly noticed. How many minor-fuck-you-overs should be tolerated before they move from “good friend” category to “mediocre friend” category? Is there a certain alloteted amount of time that forgives the minor-fuck-you-overs and moves you up from “mediocre friend” back to “good friend?” If you buy dinner does that cut the time in half? If you pick up a bar tab and throw in a “talk” is that considered time sevrved and now your record has been exponged? So what happens when you move from “medicore friend” back to “good friend” and get fucked over again? Do you get a harsher sentence because its a second offense? If I were to fuck you over after you fucked me over is it “eye for an eye and water under the bridge” or is it “two wrongs dont make a right” and were both punished?

In my opinion, it should be “two wrongs don’t make a right,” but what if the other friend in question disagrees?  Do we rock, paper, scissors for the proper punishment?  Or is it like “real life” and we vibe each other out and the more dominant (ahem, stubborn and prideful) friend gets their way?

The answer might not be so obvious to you, but it seems pretty obvious to me… No mistake is acceptable (of course, I’m not talking about INNOCENT mistakes we make as human beings, but we’re adults and for the most part we know better by now) and a “Bad Friend” or “OK Friend” is NO FRIEND.  A Friend = Good Friend.

A Friend to Everyone is a Friend to No One… This is where loyalties come in, it’s like a mafia, you can’t befriend the “enemy” when you’ve chosen your mafia team.  If you’re lucky enough to have a good friend, which I do (luckily more than one), then act like a fucking friend back… My friends are my choice and those are the ones I’ve chosen to be loyal to and vice versa.  My good friends are loyal to me and the trials and tribulations of life and circumstances have shown me their loyalty.


Damn, it’s taken a long time to get here, but I was finally able to show my friends and myself that I am capable of being a good friend… I mean, a friend.  How does this relate to sex?  I am now confident I will NEVER cheat again.  Yes, this compulsive cheater has changed her spots (see Day #12: The Cheater Conundrum).  Whew!  Now to work on my lady like mouth, my sporadic temper, keeping my commitments, keep my vow, and keep being a friend… and making more friends 🙂

Here’s to what could have been 139-133 Days, Veronica Graham, Dear Hazel- I know you were a great friend to me and I’m sorry I hadn’t learned this lesson before my minor fuck-you-overs became too much for you. 

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