DAY 253-278: “How Deep is Your Love?”

My life has calmed down and I couldn’t be more grateful for the change of pace. I’ve been working nonstop between makeup gigs and the Irish bar and learning to live with my roommates has been easier than I imagined. This new found independence seems to be quite fitting for a girl like me… Of course, my writing has suffered because of it– calm life = nothing juicy to write about.

A lot of really exciting things have happened though– New Years came and went, MLK Day as well (with our new MLK memorial in DC!), Obama gave his awesome State of the Union speech and recently, the Costa Concordia sank off the coast of the mediteranean sea because Captain Dip-Shit wanted to get his rocks off by blowing his “stack” to close to land. This cruiser was one of the newest luxury liners afloat, naturally human error was what lead to its destruction and the death and disappearance of innocent lives.  Not only did he cost people their lives because of his pride, he also abandoned ship before the passengers were lead to safety.  This is a little extreme, but it made me think about what causes a relationship to sink…

There are always minor and major errors that occur during the course of a relationship, but what is that one sharp rock that punctures your ship to sink to the abyss?  Then it made me think that maybe it’s not the mistakes, it’s how you deal with mistakes.  It hard for me to believe that I won’t be in a relationship that won’t involve a lie here and there, some manipulation…. and dare I say, possibly infidelity?  There are couples I know of, yes- married ones, that are far from faithful and the other (sadly, usually the woman) has no clue of their partner’s second life.  I think of secrets we harbor from our lovers, friends, and family and what would happen if they came to the surface?  I also think about when I’m married (hopefully, one day) and what IF I caught him cheating??? Would I handle it as graceful as catching him in a lie?  Or who’s to say I would handle a lie graceful at all?  The truth is, I have no idea how I would handle certain mistakes in a relationship, but I do know that if I don’t vow to handle them with care (yes, even if they are the ones who fucked up), then the relationship will surely sink.  I don’t have the answers to how to make this possible or even if it is, so don’t keep reading hoping that it will be revealed here later.

Sadly, it typically isn’t something HUGE that ends a relationship… it’s that ONE small thing that punctures it and we’re too bruised and prideful to stay onboard.  Of course, at this point, you’re thinking of ALL the minor hiccups, instead of that one last one that made you jump ship.  However, I can’t help but worry about me and my friends’ future in relationships– when we finally are married, will we be able to swallow our pride and stay afloat no matter how scary and hopeless things may seem?  Of course, sitting here now, I think- OF COURSE!  YES, I will stay onboard- hell, I’ll go down with the ship like Leo and Kate!  At the same time, I don’t want to get too cocky here and remember that I have to WORK to be the exception and not the rule… and that life isn’t the movies and that it is possible that my flight instinct during a really scary moment might be stronger than my fight, but I’m hoping by recognizing this now and when I am married (one day) and when that rock inevitably punctures our ship… I’ll fasten my seatbelt and take a deep breath before belting out, “My Heart WILL Go On”… Even if it kills me.

Here’s to what could have been 113-87  days, Veronica Graham, I’ll Never Let Go, Jack… I’ll Never Let Go.. No, Really.

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