Archive for July, 2016

Valley of Wasps

Posted in Uncategorized on July 16, 2016 by Veronica Graham

Yea though I walk through the valley of the wasps, I will not fear its sting because thou art with me, thou hast a fly swatter to the right and a can of raid to the left- trying to help a baby mama out! Praise be to God.

With tears in my eyes, the only relief I have is running a mile; praying and writing. I have a timeline to get shit together financially and it’s like Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! SG dropped the ball on something that we had a verbal agreement on, again. Go figure. If only this, if only that, you know the mantra. I feel like how Dorothy in the’ Wizard of Oz’ must have felt when she stared down the hourglass in the wicked witch’s castle, wondering how the fuck she was going to think her way out of her nightmare.

How did it get to this point? Why didn’t I walk away in the beginning when I knew SG wasn’t the one, why did I hold on? Why was I so convinced I could make someone want me who didn’t and why did he spin me for a loop and convince me that I was the one and that we could make it work? I recall sitting in a couples therapy office shortly after our little one was born and him stating that he didn’t want to be with me. It was a gut-wrenching blow to me because it was the first time he was honest with me. The way he said it so mattered of fact and cold.

After that session, the “I love you’s” between us stopped. I put my blinders back on and continued to focus on our child. I truly believed that SG and I could co-exist. Arranged marriages do work and the idea of two strangers being thrown into parenthood and a relationship is not that crazy? It was how I was able to justify our situation. SG was with me out of convenience, similar to a lot of relationships I have had.

When our lease was up in the Summer of 2015 we were already over. We were in need of a geographical cure, right? On our way to Georgia, we traveled nicely together and agreed that it would take me 6 months to network and get established with a company in Atlanta. We could split and live separately once I was earning my own income. It’s much more affordable in parts of Georgia to live so it wasn’t a bad idea. He was from Georgia and had a network, with my resume and his “connects” we were well on way to gain our independence and in a civil manner.

Despite our issues, I still couldn’t bring myself to let go of him completely. Georgia has a huge film industry. No matter what happened between SG and I, we would be able to provide a comfortable life for our little one. Our goal or should I say, my goal was to maintain our version of a healthy environment for our child with both parents in the picture. EPIC FAIL.

Two weeks after we moved into our new place he was out the door and not without making my life a living hell. No matter how many times I willingly looked the other way or even tried to deny his affairs; I effortlessly caught him in lies because of how bold his actions were.

I was on autopilot and just kept going- I juggled being a new mom in a new town with zero friends. My Godmother lives on the North side of Atlanta so I wasn’t entirely alone. SG and I had chosen to live on the South side of Atlanta to be closer to his family. This man had me convinced that he would give me time and support and I believed him, I felt I had too, I guess.

He was a great actor on and off the screen and a sought-after fitness model. His entire family seemed like simple, small-town folk with heart. The southern charm wore out quickly once I got on their turf. Their gloves came off smooth as honey when they realized that I wasn’t going to just shut up and let this egocentric man hurt me any longer. I had had enough. To feel unwanted and unimportant was debilitating and I just stuck around. It took me moving to Georgia to finally see this guy for who he was showing me he was in Virginia.

The beginning of the end was the day after Father’s Day. All of were getting along just fine and then it happened. On our way home from his families get together, the baby and I called it a night and went to bed extremely early. I was exhausted and he said he needed to run some errands and would clean out the car. Traveling light doesn’t exist in my book and I appreciated his efforts to help.  I put the little one down and went to bed myself.

The next morning was a slow-motion playback of a previous incident we had in VA. I found him passed out on the floor with an empty bottle of red wine, a half emptyKlonopinn bottle next to where he was passed out. It looked like a crime scene and things got worse once he woke up to me screaming at him. Luckily, in midst of a heated argument, my little one slept peacefully.

Remember Hazel from previous blog entires? Well, she finally got me back, in her own way. I immediately called her and was frantically asking Hazel her what to do. In mid conversation with my dear friend, he places his phone in my eye line of what was a thread of messages between he and Hazel, and not the kind I was prepared to see.

In my weakness, he found a way to make my pain sear like a filet. I read the messages, snapped on Hazel and hung up. We haven’t spoken since. I realized that Hazel was an old school ho, the kind of woman that will buy your kid an outfit, be their for you and stays real close to your man faking like she’s only trying to ease drop on him for you. Watch out for the clean cut ho’s! That’s another entry in itself. I had to write it off as bad karma on my end because I had bigger issues. Let me help another baby mama real quick, stay away from your undercover-clean-cut- ho-gal-pals, you know who they are.  Especially the homegirls from way back when Guess jeans were cool.

The day after Father’s Day was the day I got my balls back and chose to be a single mom. I finally realized that I was bearing the brunt of this guys pain, whatever it was. People who go out of their way to hurt you are hurting themselves. He would keep hurting me until I broke and I did break. I fell hard that day and wept with an ugly cry face. I was in over my head, big time and I had 11 more months to go in the South. I needed to pray like I’d never prayed before because it wasn’t just about me. I had to do right by my child and not hold on to a heartless man.

–There has always been a wasp in my life waiting around the corner and I feel like they have always struck at the best times and even now as I am writing SG has struck again from the Dirty South. Thankfully, I am back on somewhat solid ground in Virginia. All the wake up calls I’ve had the past year are exhausting. It’s been a never ending cycle of letting go and moving forward and it’s still going…