Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s a SWB!

My sidekick and I packed lunch, the stroller, and toys for our morning adventure- When I’m not working we both spend most of our time outdoors- in any temperature. Usually when the weather is warmer The ‘Super White Betches’ come out of hiding. A ‘Super White Betch’ is a woman trapped in a high-school mentality with a blinding honker of a diamond on her left hand, a (insert trending brand name) multi-purpose coat and jet black sunglasses to cover alcohol-induced bloodshot eyes? Today they were swarming the playground with their clones-It’s so uncomfortable to be around these types of women. Being that I am white it doesn’t do me any good. I’m not the right type of white.

It’s easy to tell when you’re in the presence of an SWB because you can feel their beady little eyes judging your ringless hand. They have a keen sense for knowing the difference between gel polish by Sally Hansen and OPI on a self-done manicure. Also, they’re known for having laser vision when spotting the impoverished and it causes them to sneer autonomically. I assume, most have a mediocre husband to rely on that pays for much-needed sun damage relief microdermabrasion treatments.

It’s truly remarkable, these creatures of the day are a sight to see- Saying ‘Hi’ or smiling works with other mothers but not an SWB. They kind of look at you with a questionable “Do I know you?” or this is my favorite…If you get too close to one they dart to the other side of the playground when they’re on a group ‘invite only’ play date. They usually travel in packs because it’s easier for them to adjust to those who wear leggings in public. Being a mom is a lot of work and being a wealthy SWB mommy must be really, really exhausting (insert condescending snort laugh).

It’s not easy to get a kid away from the playground and little brawls happen more often when these little tikes get older. Laughter can turn into a mini-disaster so quickly with kids. One of the Super White Betches kids took a swing towards mine and I was there to intercede with pearls of wisdom with a direct command “We don’t hit”.  Simple and convincing. Not rocket science. No explanation, no detailed statement. It was effective and they were able to shake it off and play a little longer. High five me! Super White Bethces tend to give long detailed explanations when its time to lay down the law. It never works. The kid only gets more frustrated and has a meltdown. Short, simple commands go a long way, just saying.

I get that children are learning boundaries and that no parent is perfect but it’s painful to watch an SWB completely ignore that their kid needs an adjustment or quick-witted lesson. Usually, their sipping coffee, talking to someone and scrolling through their phones when disaster strikes. They have a way of ignoring everything around them. It’s kinda sad. There is a fine line between being ‘just kids’ and being a rude little shit. If no one is setting limits in the moment than it becomes a behavior, right?

Parenting is about being present, not sitting on the sidelines looking like a Bia’ Bia’ (get ’em up, get ’em up).

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