Watch out for the clean-cut HO!

Pay close attention to the women in your life who inquire about the men in yours or just flat out try real hard to get any kind of sensitive information out of you. Be careful what you reveal to that single, fresh faced—I mean two-faced tart. Have you ever wondered why one of your “friends” asks an awful lot about your love life? Claiming they want whats best for you just to pry. Saying things like “I will always be here for you” or “You can trust in me, I’m not like all your other friends” or ” I would never hurt you, you’re my bestie for life”. I think these types of women exploit the chicks who wear their heart on their sleeves and definitely capitalize on being there for you when heart breaks occur or any other dilemma. All the while, secretly, looking to interfere, to tear you down, to one up you or just feel better about themselves at your expense? Remember Selena????

The scariest clean-cut ho I was friends with wore leggings, a beret and had a Masters Degree. Guess who that was? She was the type thats datable with mannerisms similar to Taylor Swift. The kind of chick that some how is able to hop from guy to guy without the scrutiny that, let’s say Brittany Spears would get. By the way- How many guys has Taylor Swift been with? I think she beat me. Oh, but wait, It’s ok for a girl like her to suck face with Jake Gyllenhaal and then go for a ride on Calvin Harris. It’s totally cool for her to produce a song that sounds like a blog entry and screw anybody she wants because she’s the good kind of ho?!

I was invited to be a makeup artist on a film set in Pennsylvania shortly after the collapse of the Kimme and Veronica empire. I had befriended a local producer who was totally cool and extended the olive branch to me and my damaged self-image. Once the producer got me acclimated with the crew she ended up having to leave set for another job.

The actress aka “sobriety champion of the universe” that I had to shack up with after my producer friend left got very comfortable talking with me. She was super pretty and from New York. She seemed like the kind of friend I needed in my life and I was happy to have met her—I probably should have been more professional but ya know. I just love to fucking talk. The sweet disposition in her voice quickly shifted once the conversation got heavy and I confessed that I too was an addict but not in the rooms of AA and NA. With all due respect to the program, it does work, I just feel different then some do about it. I kinda latched onto my higher power and went on to explain that I’d prefer to find my way and I was doing OK. Side Note– If you crave beer drink watermelon flavored Perrier.

What I was sharing with this actress aka “sobriety champion of the universe” seemed to be upsetting her a little too much. To each their own, you know…If you’re familiar with the rooms of AA then you know the kind of tough love that those with years of sobriety tend to express on those who find their own path. At first she seemed like someone who might care but she wasn’t. I wasn’t privy to the fact that she might have known about me before we even met face to face. Kinda felt like a trap looking back. Yeesh! People are creepy. I only creep on hotties, so maybe she thought, you know….

Since she was from New York I asked if she was cool with one my exes. Whom, by the way, got married shortly after we split and started a family of his own. Am I “Good Luck Chuck” now? In my limited experience, well known Indie Artist’s all seem to know one another so it was likely she had run into him. When she didn’t seem to know who I was talking about I toned it back and we chatted about other indie peeps we knew. Harmless, right? Seems like a pretty normal chick moment…After we wrapped she went on to produce a film about addiction—-The same crew that she referred to as a “circle jerk” was the very same crew that gave her props and contributed to her indie film about addiction. She even brought my ex in on her film! I thought she didn’t know him? I sure as hell never got a call to be a part of her short film. I thought we were cool?

Business as usual or die hard friend? It’s hard to tell, they seem to be one in the same and I am having a hard time with women in general. I am an open person but becoming a mom changed me and I am still learning about how to be in any kind of relationship with women. It’s not easy for me trust and women switch up so quickly. I am literally dealing with an issue with someone who was super cool with me and is acting very strange now— I am currently finding my way in a new profession and trying to maintain my makeup artistry work at the same time. I keep all people at an arms distance from me, because I have too. I am open but that shouldn’t automatically brand me as a target. When someone can just switch up on me because they aren’t cool with how I live or I am not acting in whatever way they have created in their mind that I should, that is a major red flag.

In this particular hiccup, I have used the opportunity to be polite and acknowledge this persons feelings and affirm that we are still friends, but at the same time I am letting this red flag fly. I am not bending over backwards for anyone that has ill feelings towards me. People are allowed to feel how they want, and when someone is coming at me directly or indirectly, I have learned to speak up and step aside. They either come back or they don’t. I used to try to control peoples feelings about me or really overly apologize for not understanding where someone else was coming from. I literally, do not have the time to jump on the “I must be at fault train”. Ya’ll ladies can go on with that shit.

I sure as hell don’t put anything past anyone anymore, less surprises when a chick flips. I keep my distance and am very proud of it. I am also very aware that I leaned a little too hard on friends and men to build me up and hold me down when life got too tough. I put a lot of pressure on friends and boyfriends to be, I guess you could say, my foundation. A foundation stems from a parent. Part of being a parent, as I am learning is to help to shape your child’s identity, self worth and so on. If you get one parent to fight for you and show up as a parent consider yourself fortunate.

I’m almost 36 and am slowly learning to cut out emotion and anger from certain situations as they arise. Just to clarify, crying about my past needed to happen but I have to eventually separate the emotion from the problem or else the change in me will never occur. The same follows with anger or sadness.

I roll solo with my kid and am a better person for becoming a hermit during my transition phase.

P.S. I tried to not like Taylor Swift, I really did, but I kinda like her songs. Go girl. You do that clean cut ho thing so well!

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