Archive for October, 2017

Hate in your Heart.

Posted in Uncategorized on October 16, 2017 by Veronica Graham

Hate in your heart can lead to self-loathing, if you need help, seek counsel. I am back in therapy and just at the right time…

Part I- The Baker Batch

I placed an order for a birthday cake and left to finish a massive list of errands last May. After picking up my “made to order cake” and in a slow motion “Oh-no-she didn’t” I started to realize that I had the wrong cake but only after I was placing candles on it. Even the knife I was using had gotten stuck in this hardened cake and it strongly resembled a display cake that this baker batch had made reference to a few days prior.

At first, I thought I was overreacting but I wasn’t. A special moment for me with my kid had been sabotaged by a batter batch and I wasn’t going to let the cake-fucker-upper get away with it.

Upon arriving back at the store and being greeted by an apologetic manager; I had a fresh chocolate cake with blue and green decorations. Luckily, the baker batch was nowhere in sight because she had declared a Cake War. Many thoughts crossed my mind as to what I would say to the batter batch upon seeing her again at the grocery store…

  1. I would criticize her makeup and say she should permanently ditch the idea that she can apply false lashes herself, ever again.
  2. I would shame her publicly in the store and use the single mom sob story as my angle.
  3. Approach her and whisper in a low sketchy voice, “I know what you did” and then walk away.

I did run into her again but it was a week or two later. While walking into the grocery store I heard a snarky Fran Dresher voice from behind me shout, “Hi, how are youuuuuu?” My blood started to curdle before I could turn around to this see the face that matched the voice. It was her, the batter batch; a vile villain in my eyes that must be destroyed by my words. In an automatic response, I yelped, “Good, have a great day!” and skirted back out the door. If I stopped, even for a moment to participate in phatic communication I would’ve boiled over and created an epic scene.

Part II- Four Eyed Charlie (or whatever previous name I deemed worthy in another entry)

Recently, I was walking to my part-time job and in a fairly good mood. I popped into my local coffee spot and low an behold there HE was… Not as I remembered but it was him. He was someone that encouraged me to enroll in a forum that changed my life, for at least a couple months. He still had dated glasses and allure. We struck up a conversation and greeted each other with an awkward hug.

He was happy to tell me that he was married to a new boo. Luckily, the 7-year gap before seeing him again subdued all the anger I had towards him for sucking at life. He was also proud to announce to me that he had finally finished college and got a degree in Geology. At his age, I was more than underwhelmed but congratulated him, and we both managed to be positive about our encounter before walking away into the crowd of life.

Part III- Irish I was the one for you…

I was standing in my black uniform at another restaurant that is now another notch on the belt. I was writing down the specials when tall, dark and Irish walked in the door. With a smile from ear to ear that I could hardly contain I embraced this blast from the past with a familiarity that was reciprocated. I was one of his first friends in America and he was happy to remind me. He had started on about the company he was running distributing wine… I have this thing about the Irish, fight as they may… they really are romantics. Needless to say, the hot hunk of Irish butter wasn’t the one for me. Secretly, I had hoped that when I asked if he was still married he would say, “No, how could I be? I’m still in love with you!” and then New Edition would have walked in with a camera crew.

Shout out to the posers trying to be my story… “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?”