Archive for Affair

Day 15: “Booty Calls and Married Men”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 8, 2011 by Veronica Graham

Last night after I posted my entry about being home alone, my phone was buzzing off the hook with blasts from the past… maybe it wasn’t so wise to advertise that I was home alone and ready to crack open a bottle of Captain Morgan and hornier than a bloodhound.  One phone call was from, Rich-Married-Man- a wealthy engineer that I happened to be in a four month relationship with while he was (and still is!) married.

I know what you’re thinking:  home wrecker, cheater, adulterer, skank…. and that may be true. However, I was under the impression that he was “separated” and filing for a “divorce.”  When Rich-Married-Man called, I immediately turned my phone off and began drinking heavily, cooking lots of fried food, and watching an episode of MTV’s True Life: My Boobs are too Big.  I imagined the electronic waves entering my phone even though it was off and the voicemails that would be left while it was silenced.  I’ve never been so afraid of a piece of technology in my life.

Rich-Married-Man (RMM), more so than the others, was a tom cat in the sack.  He was married- oh wait, IS married, to a bible thumping Catholic, who seems as frigid as Jackie O.  Pretty on the outside, cold “down-there.”  I was RMM’s Marilyn Monroe.  The saucy sex feign that TRULY believed the promises that Jackie O was on her way out the door.  Yes, I’m an idiot.  But he was so convincing, especially when our clothes were off.  I never met his wife, but had been over to his house on many occasions, this made me believe his stories that she lived in an apartment elsewhere and the divorce was on its way to be finalized were true.  After a few months, the weekend gettaways and hotel rendezvous began to be a little suspicious.  Why on earth was this almost-divorced guy constantly taking his girlfriend out of town and into hotel rooms?  OH WAIT- Cause it was all a LIE!  Note the comment above:  Yes, I’m an idiot.

The sex with RMM was so good, I didn’t want our sexlationship to end.  It was fullfilling, made me feel like a woman, and worst of all- made me ignore the red flags that would inevitably come to the surface and smack me right in the face.  The thing about RMM was that he couldn’t stand me.  This is to add to the already noted problem that he was married.  He was the type of guy that my family wanted me to be with:  Good looking, educated, rich, and an all around guy’s guy that probably knew how to play golf and how to act in a country club.  All these things would be used against me:  “My family will never accept you if you don’t have a bachelor’s degree,” “Don’t get fat on me,” “You can’t support yourself, you’re poor.”

It’s true:  I don’t have a bachelor’s degree, but I do have pretty extensive training in make up artistry and an associate’s degree.  Good enough for me, not good enough for the guy of my family’s dreams.  I ended up quitting a job I had in the arts in order to go to a four year college to get a degree in IT (I can barely check my email!!!!) but somehow, RMM convinced me this was the right move and the only way he’d marry me.  (Obviously, I didn’t end up going to the college, instead, I went to get my make up certifications.)

So why not have just one booty call?  Why 365 days?  Why does it have to be for one year?  Because my relationship with men has proven to effect EVERY aspect of my life.  Sex for me leads to a relationship- nearly every time-typically with men that are no good for me and I would know this if I kept my legs shut and actually listened that we have very little in common.  I can’t necessarily call sex an addiction, but I am addicted to the concept of “The One.”  So this is how it works for me:

*  I begin to feel insecure about being alone.

*  I find someone and have sex- convincing myself it’s just a one night stand or “having fun.”

*  I become attached to that someone, and try to make MYSELF “The One” for them, throwing out anything about me that doesn’t mesh well with them.

This is the cycle I’ve been in since I was 15 years old.  I have a strong sense of self when I’m alone, but eventually, being an adult woman, someone to have sex with comes along and I derail.  I have to stay on track for at least one year- to prove to those around me and more importantly, myself, that I can be alone and be just fine.  Those who know me, are skeptical if I can actually pull this off, they don’t and I don’t know if I can, but I do know that I HAVE to- yes, HAVE to, or else I’ll always be that same girl that lost her virginity at a house party at 15 hoping to be accepted.

Here’s to 351 Days, Veronica Graham, I’m not going to call you back, so stop trying, asshole