Archive for Easter Sunday

Day 2: “Jesus and Jezebel”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on April 25, 2011 by Veronica Graham

I woke up this morning with the intent to go to church…It didn’t happen because I felt ill from drinking too much the night before. When I finally decided to wake up, I crawled out of bed and sat in front of the mirror to apply my makeup,  the name Jezebel was ringing in my head.  Jezebel was famous for putting on makeup before her execution, not to mention being associated with sluts!

I’m trying to turn around this Jezebelish behavior through prayer, but of course me being me… I stood up Jesus. On Easter Sunday.  The only man who wants me not to have sex more than I do.

Let’s face it, I’ve always been excellent at lying to those around me as well as myself- polluting the air with good intentions that are full of shit. Last night I swore I’d only have one drink but I ended up having five and thinking about how to get my ex into the back seat of my car. Of course, what I said out loud was “you know who I should really check up on just to see if they’re ok…hmmm…my ex.” This is one of my favorite excuses as well as the all too familiar crisis-call. You know…the classics: my car broke down, my grandmother died again, my shoes are untied and all of my panties are missing “would you be so kind as to help me find them?”  But no worries, I couldn’t even deny the stench of my own bullshit and went home and straight to bed.

So, I missed church… It’s Easter…  SO WHAT?! I’ve done much worse and I’m sure Jesus understood, but then, like a scene out of a movie….while I was driving, the heavens opened up and golf ball sized hail attacked me, and I thought “Great, it’s the Second Coming… Please God, just let me pull over and put my hazards on before you abandon me!” I mean, I get it… I stood up Jesus and now I’ve been left behind, but dammit I haven’t had sex in two days… Kurt Cameron couldn’t even get me to spread eagle right now (Yes, Jesus, kudos to you for putting the Fear of God in me.)  Doesn’t that count for something?

So, I should have gone to church, sick and all.  And no, I shouldn’t have had those five drinks, but I did go home instead of doing the deed in my now dented car- and that’s evidence of progress.  All in all- I’m not where I want to be spiritually, or even how honest I’d like to be with myself, but I AM 48 hours further away from the Jezebel I was.

Here’s to 364 days- Veronica Graham,  JC, please don’t come back until AFTER my vow has been fulfilled-