Archive for hot guys

Day 36: ” First Kiss”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 29, 2011 by Veronica Graham

So, I do realize this is coming a day late- but I didn’t get home until about 4:30 in the morning from filming yesterday (or I guess, technically earlier today…)  Kimmie and I arrived at our hotel room at Ocean City on Friday, beautiful suite room with the ocean in our backyard.  It was an amazing and productive day and later on, we met up with some of the cast and crew at a restaurant for a couple of drinks.  An early call time and a LONG shoot day had us head out early and pass out, but not before I wrote my Day 35 entry.

When Kimmie and I travel together, we talk nonstop.  We’ll talk the entire way traveling and talk before we go to bed, we turn into 3rd graders at a sleepover.  Mostly talking about our passions, what we’re going to wear, family, and of course, the guys in our life.  After Kimmie had fallen asleep, I found myself suddenly wide awake and stepped outside of my room for a cigarette.  Standing outside smoking as well was, Nice-Shy-Guy, smoking a cig as well, shivering from the nighttime cold.  We talked and I couldn’t help but admire this cutie.  There are moments when I look at my life and I think, “Damn, it sucks!” and then there was that moment Friday night– smoking a cigarette with this total cutie, who couldn’t even look me in the eye, and admiring the ocean.

“Do you want to jump in the ocean with me?” I asked the Nice-Shy-Guy.

“Ummm…” he laughed shyly.  “It’s really cold out.”

“Come on!”  So maybe I also had a few glasses of wine.  “Don’t you want to just run out there and jump in the ocean and maybe make out?”

Nice-Shy-Guy laughed shyly again- totally turning me on.

“I’ll go in knee deep,” he agreed.

I couldn’t help but think about my vow, a little buzzed from the wine and drunk from the beach, I jumped back into my hotel room and woke up Kimmie.  “I want to make out with that guy out there, is that ok?”

Kimmie mumbled something back in her sleep, probably a “what?” but I took it as a “yes, friend!  It’s absolutely fine!”  I tried asking again, but she pulled the blanket over her head- a clear green light to have my first kiss since my vow… I mean, she wasn’t trying to stop me, right?

I ran outside and started running towards the ocean.  Nice-Shy-Guy followed me and I jumped in, not noticing the cold, with the moon light and the lights from the boardwalk illuminating the water just right for us to see exactly what was going on and with enough darkness to add to the allure of mystery as we two strangers kissed in the water.  I would run deeper into the ocean, loving the cold, and run back to the Nice-Shy-Guy for quick little make out sessions.  Being a Nice-Shy-Guy, he kept his hands to gentleman standards: On my arm, my back, and my face.  After about thirty minutes, I asked him how he was doing.

“I’m okay now,” he answered.  “My feet are numb, so they’re not cold anymore.”

I decided maybe it was time to release the guy.  I tip toed back into my hotel room and fell asleep.

The following morning, Kimmie’s alarm went off and she instructed me to get up and get ready for the shoot.  I was drowsy from only getting a few hours of sleep, but I was on my feet in no time, preparing coffee for the both of us.  I knew I would never see Shy-Nice-Guy again, but there was something about this kiss that satisfied me for my “first kiss.”  Sure, I could have waited for a potential boyfriend or a guy I would at least see again, but there was something about seizing the moment with this stranger that was completely (ok, maybe a little reluctantly) down for my midnight dip adventure.

I am the type of girl that tends to get carried away: with guys- a kiss turns to sex pretty easily, with drinks- one turns to five, with shopping- “just looking” turns to maxing out my credit card, and with fights- a harmless bicker with a good friend turns to mega fight with my arch nemesis.  I knew this guy wouldn’t take advantage of my drunken glee or my spontaneous nature- he was just a shy guy that I learned was once overweight, not too good with girls, from Baltimore, and just out for a cigarette.  He was the perfect guy for my first kiss and a spontaneous midnight swim on the beach was an ideal scene for it as well.  Given the way I approached him, he probably thought I did stuff like this all the time, but little did he know that before I was too slutty to spot a guy like him- someone who would treat me like a lady while indulging in my momentary fantasy.

The rest of the shoot was one of the longest I’ve been on, but it was also one of the best.  I was all smiles and it turns out good moods are contagious- no matter what obstacles we faced filming on a busy boardwalk on Memorial Day weekend, we were all in amazing spirits.

Here’s to 330 Days, Veronica Graham, it was a GREAT “first kiss,”he sure knew how to work that tongue!

Day 32: “I Fucked Your Boyfriend… Or Wanted To”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on May 25, 2011 by Veronica Graham

Today was a bad, bad day… A bad day.  A really bad day.  I felt tired, angry, and sick the entire day– What was this crazy feeling brewing deep in me like a keg of Modelos?… Guilt.  Ew, what an unpleasant feeling!  I haven’t been able to stomach it… today was one of the first days I looked in the mirror and hated who I saw:  My hair looks great but deep within my eyes– I saw a scumbag.  I’ve wronged so many people I’ve cared for in my life that it’s amazing the amount of second, fifteen, twenty-seven chances they’ve given me.

In AA, there’s this step that I never made it to and that’s the “I’m sorry” phase.  The thing is that I’m not in contact with many of these people… and I don’t know how to even begin to say I’m sorry.  For the first time in my life, all my wrong doings are starting to tap on my shoulder and whispering, “Confess…. confess… confess…” In a super creepy voice that I can’t take it anymore.

Here’s the people that still matter the most to me and I can’t be sorrier for what I’ve done to you:

KIMMIE:  3 years ago when I was in a fight with you, I’m sorry I contacted your boyfriend and asked him out to drinks and dinner in order to help me with my “math homework.”

WHITNEY:  I’m sorry I called your boyfriend to tell him about the shooting near Safeway… I wanted to call you, but didn’t know how to warn you about not getting shot without talking about how I flipped out on you over text message that one day.

JOY: I’m sorry I flirted with your boyfriend at work… He’s really hot, but you’re a nice girl and I need to avoid him like the Black plague.

HAZEL:  I’m sorry I slept with your dad.

MEGAN:  I’m sorry I kissed Keith… I knew you liked him and I kissed him anyway.

The words, ‘I’m Sorry’ are so difficult for me that every time I know I should say it, my throat tightens up and I can’t get it out.  Maybe I’m afraid of the reaction that I might get from it, but I need to learn how to say “I’M SORRY” out loud as a process of my Ho Recovery.  Thankfully, a couple of those girls are still my friends… and saying Sorry will come much easier in person for them than it will to those that hate the sound of my name.

Flirting has become so second nature to me that I’ve had no concept of boundaries with friendships in the past.  The truth of the matter is… I don’t know how to talk to women or how to be friends with one and how not to flirt with a human being with a penis.  And all this time, I’ve wondered why I have trouble maintaining female friends and why I’m so alienated.  I can honestly say that I’ve in someway, shape, or form I’ve screwed over every female friend in my life due to my insecurities.  I’ve slept with boyfriends… or wanted to- some of my friends had some hot boyfriends!… but the men in the lives of my female friends have no place in mine- I realize this now.  The girls were the ones who were friends with me.  I thought by being friends with their boyfriends was normal… but it’s not when the only way you know how to interact with a guy is by flirting…

 This is so far the hardest entry I’ve had to write so far… but the guilt was weighing on me so much, I just had to let it out that I know how I’ve behaved is wrong.  I’m sorry to all my current and former female friends for fucking, flirting, or even calling the men in your life- the truth of the matter is, the men never mattered and were never there for me as much as my girls were.  I’m starting to realize that I need to work on the basics of human relationships… I need to learn how to be a friend to other females before I can learn how to be a girlfriend…

I would give my pinky to smoke a blunt with you again, Whit… my left pinky… I use my right one a lot, actually.

Here’s to 334 Days, Veronica Graham, CHICKS BEFORE DICKS!

Day 28: “Rape Dreams and Rapture Outfits”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 21, 2011 by Veronica Graham

I had a dream last night that a faceless guy, took me by the neck and raped me. Taking away my celibacy before my year was up… I remember looking in the mirror in my dream with bruises around my neck, wondering how I would write about it the following day. When I woke up from this nightmare, I ran to the mirror- no bruises.. good sign and still had my panties on… good sign. Whew! But why couldn’t I shake off this unsettling feeling? Despite the fact that it’s a horrible nightmare, the feeling stuck with me nearly the entire day.
I went to dreammoods.com to read about what it means to dream about rape: “indicates vengeful or resentful feelings toward the opposite sex. You feel that you have been violated or that you have been taken advantage of. Something or someone is jeopardizing your self-esteem and emotional well-being.” So maybe I didn’t need to google it to figure it out, since the interpretation seems pretty “duh,” but it did make me think about the people I currently have in my life… and admittedly, there are still a few bad seeds lurking.

I look back on some situations where guys have treated me horribly- before/during/after sex. They seemed to have been able to sniff me out of a crowd as the type of girl that would allow this- but HOW? and WHY? The first problem was my clothing… I have very few shirts that aren’t low-cut (instead of my clothes being flattering, they’re just revealing)… the next problem- I wear heavy eye make up during the day (makes me look like a slut!)… and finally- I let guys talk down to me and I giggle like a fucking idiot cause I believe that’s flirting.
One night at a bar, long after my friends had left, I stuck around drinking and “flirting” with a really cute guy at the bar. The Military-Cutie bought me a drink and we went to the forbidden bar where I had met One-Night-Harley and the Military-Cutie bought me a few more drinks there to- enough to get me plastered. I drank everything willingly. I offered to drive him to home and on the way, I pulled over- wanting to make out! He put his hand up my skirt and I said, “No.” However, I did not push him away and the No came out more like, “tee hee hee noooo tee hee.” Yeah… not enough to convince him or myself. All this foreplay led to sex and once the Military-Cute reached his final “Oh!” he quickly slipped his pants back on and ran out of my car. WTF? WHAT THE FUCK???!!! Furious, disgusted, and shamed cannot describe how I felt- this guy treated me like a total prostitute! But… I was dressed and acting like a total prostitute.

A couple of months later, Kimmie and I are sitting at the same bar I met him. He starts to talk to her about pieces of conversation he overheard from her, “Korea,” “Dancing,” etc. He was actually stationed in Korea- they got to talking about local spots they both knew of and i was fuming. Kimmie had no idea what happened with this Military-Cutie and my Hulk side was boiling inside of me. Their conversation moved to dance- Kimmie does ballet and he seemed pretty familiar with the DC dance scene. “There’s a Martha Graham concert this Friday- Did you know about it?”
No,” Kimmie said.
“YOU’RE NOT TAKING HER THERE!” I declared.
Awkward silence.
Both the Military-Cutie and Kimmie gave me the wtf-look.
I continued, “YOU’RE A SCUMBAG!”
Kimmie mouthed to me, “what’s going on?”
I gave her the look, but not sure how it came across since I was a little drunk. I meant to say, “He’s no good!” it might have come across as, “I’m a CRAZY bitch!”
Needless to say, it was a “Check please!” night and Kimmie and I left shortly after my outburst. But what the hell? Why is he trying to take to her an expensive ass concert and me to a cheap bar??!! Don’t get me wrong here- I love Kimmie and not jealous- she deserves to be taken to concerts- but why is this scumbag treating us differently? Maybe it’s because she doesn’t wear shirts that reveal cleavage, or wear three-stage-smokey-eye makeup at noon, and more importantly, doesn’t laugh when being talked down to.
So, to get my mind off my dream and to be more proactive, I grab lunch, went to Walgreens and bought myself my Rapture outfit for tomorrow (a purple crinkle shirt that was the rage back in middle school… I couldn’t resist), went to buy non-slutty flattering clothes for the Tribulation, and made a hair appointment for Sunday- cause when I get Left Behind, I’m going to look good burning in volcano lava… and whatever else is going to happen. I also cut out probably the biggest bad-seed from my life, unfortunately, that person is tied to an old friend of mine that I care about very much… However, if a change is going to be made for me- I need to make active changes and not sitting around hoping for things to change.

Here’s to 338 Days, Veronica Graham, I’m always here for you when you’re ready to leave that asshole, friend…

Day 21: “Top 10 Ugly Hot Guys”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 14, 2011 by Veronica Graham

I have a full blown crush- on an ugly hot guy.  I love these because they stay hot forever!!!  These guys don’t come around too often, but when they do, man, do the panties want to drop!  They’re so hot in their ugliness that they’re not ugly at all.  These are guys that ALL women want, they’re non traditional, but their sexiness is so engrained in them that the female population cannot deny how hot these ugly guys are.  These guys get the hottest girls out there, because they can.  To give you an idea- I’ve compiled a list of the top 10 Ugly Hot Guys:

10: Hugh Grant.  My crush looks a lot like Hugh Grant.  There’s something about his big blue eyes and the way he’s so passionate about love and you know, whatever romantic stuff he rants about in his movies that make you look past his bad hair and want to grab it- Kissing him and shouting, “Yes!  We are meant to be!  Keep talking to me in that sexy accent and poetry you bad, bad boy!”

9: Eric Balfor.  DAMN, THAT ASS!!!  What else do I need to say?

8. Seth Rogan.  Sure, he looks like a teddy bear- I mean, really like a teddy bear… like if we were in some weird alternate universe where teddy bears came to life as humans.  But his humor makes him as sexy as any 6 pack Baywatch sex machine.  He’s so funny that I just want to make out with him, then pause to hear more jokes.  I can imagine sex with this guy is as fun as it would get.

7.Michael Cera.  Don’t you just want to destroy his innocence?  Don’t worry, baby, you don’t need to be so nervous- I’ll turn you into a real man.

6. Jon Heder.  Any guy that can dance like he does at the end of Napoleon Dynamite with those moon boots has more than a few moves in the sack.  Plus, have you seen those lips?   Definitely need take advantage of those during foreplay.

5. Javier Bardem.  Please take me away on a boat to whatever island and teach me how to spear fish, assassinate bad guys, and have sex on the beach while the waves crash into our naked bodies!

4. Adrien Brody.  That man can carry his nose with the confidence of a man with an erect penis in the middle of a crowd.  He doesn’t care, because he knows he’s better and bigger than everyone.  Sing me a song, play the piano, or say something sensitive- how nice of a man to do all these things when he knows he’s gonna get lucky.

3. Vincent Cassel.  Teach ME about passion!  Let me respond to your touch!  Forget Nina, Dammit!

2. Mikhail Baryshnikov.  Damn!  I get chills just looking at him!  Seriously, I do get chills.  He’s so sexy with those dance moves and stamina… I can’t say more…

AND Number One IS:

1. Mick Jagger.  Let me get this one thing straight- there is nothing ugly about this man.  He deserves a blow job just by walking into a room.  If he doesn’t get it- I’m disappointed with you ladies of the world.  Tsk tsk tsk, shame shame shame.

Now, what to do about my work crush turned full blown crush.  I can barely speak to him.  Last night I went to grab some drinks at work with some friends and it was so easy to ignore my company because I was staring at my crush the entire time.  Today I stepped it up and broke the touch barrier- as I was reaching for something, I touched his shoulder to say, “could you move aside a couple millimeters?  Thanks, now I have enough room to reach for that pepper shaker.”  My freaky staring started to wig him out and he avoided me the rest of the night.  I have no game!  If I wanted to land this ugly hunk, then I needed to learn how to flirt like a housewife and not a ho.

Here’s to 345 Days, Veronica Graham, I need to go through my wardrobe too- all my clothes scream stripper… sigh-