Archive for house parties

Day 19 : “Both Times I Lost my Virginity”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 12, 2011 by Veronica Graham

I’m starting to feel a little stir crazy, like those girls at all-girl colleges or sorority houses.  I’m no longer craving sex, I guess the detox period has ended, but I do want to SEE men- good looking men, just something to stare at.  Thankfully, I return to work tomorrow and there are some nice pieces of eye candy there for the looking.

I think about how I became this way, I mean, let’s face it, this behavior is not normal, right?  Sluts don’t just fall out of the sky, legs open ready to pounce… So I go back to the beginning- the two times I lost my virginity.

I had just moved into my Dad’s Pleasantville house, the new girl at this rich, nearly all-white, high school.  Nobody knew me and the cool kids invited me out for a “party” to see what I was all about.  It was a test, really- if I talked about books all night, I would fail.  If I could talk about the two Bs, I was in- that’s Barney’s and Boys.  These were the hot younger class girls hanging out with the hot, upperclassmen.  I was fairly innocent at this point, but sitting at the edge of the Potomac River, seeing girls making out with boys, girls making out with girls, drinking and weed… In my head I was buzzing with excitement, I mean, this was the kind of shit I saw in the movies!  My mother’s strict Christian regimen preventing me from participating in any of these kinds of parties before I was thrown out.  So, what did this new girl do- have a few too many Natty Lights, made out with three boys, and took her top off- dancing.  They all assumed I was a slut from day one.  Hmmm… What gave them that impression?  Hell, if I was going to be in a movie-high school, I might as well act like a movie high school girl, right?  I was instantly cool.

I made it onto the High School girl’s lacrosse team, a sport that all the cool girls played (the Lacrosse Girls here were equi valant to the Cheerleaders from teen movies)  On this team, was the queen bee of our class, Ruby, beautiful, wholesome, smart, and kind.  I got invited to a sleepover a couple weeks into the school year from one of the field hockey girls, Indigo, and little did I know, this is what girls did in order to go to house parties.  This was the first house party I’d ever been invited to.  There were lots of boys- great looking boys- all upper class men!  After a few plastic glasses of jungle juice, I was making out on the couch with a complete hottie.  How exciting was it to enter the new high school with a cool, popular boyfriend!  Indigo was on a couch adjecent to me, checking the time (I’m assuming so we could sneak back to her place before her parents were up)- the room was completely dark except for Indigo’s indigo glare from her wrist watch and the next thing I knew- this hottie was trying to have sex with me- well, did have sex with me.  I don’t blame him for not knowing that I’d never done it before, virgins don’t usually dance around topless.  The event was short lived, long enough for me to think, “Ohmigod! I’m having sex!” and the next thing I knew- Indigo and I were sneaking back into her house.  The next Monday at school, I was confronted with Indigo saying that the total-hottie-new-highschool-boyfriend was actually dating Ruby.  Great, I’ve pissed off the queen bee, the girl who could wave her finger and make me unpopular.  I apologized to Ruby before practice, the lacrosse girls watched us anxiously and she just smiled awkwardly and walked away from me.

I justified a thousand reasons why this didn’t count as sex- and therefore, I was still technically a virgin!  Is it supposed to feel like a baseball bat?  It always looked squishier to me from photos, even when it’s at attention.  It didn’t really last- how many in and outs actually made it count?  And there was no grand finale.  Yep, I decided, I was still a virgin.  Or at least kind of a virgin.

A couple weeks later, I was invited to another sleepover- meaning house party- and I ended up drinking one too many jungle juices again and ended up in a locked bedroom where there was no more room for argument.  I wish I could have remembered it more clearly… the time I really lost my virginity.  He was an upperclassmen baseball player that felt nothing like a baseball downstairs- it was the perfect amount of stiffness.  It was a one night stand, but all the previous disqualifications qualified the second time around.  I had officially lost my V-card and there was no turning back.  I was a true slut and everyone knew it.

The only boyfriend I had in high school was the HSS (the smortion guy, remember him?) who went to a different school than I did.  The guys that roamed the halls of my own high school with me had me labeled as “layable” and not “datable.”

The way I lost my virginities couldn’t have helped how I viewed relationships and my sex life growing up, but I look at the girls I went to high school with who were not too far from me:  Married, Married-With-Children, Happy-Stable Relationships, Stopped sleeping around a long time ago…  Where the hell did the wires get crossed for me?  When the girls started to learn the word “No,” why wasn’t I around for the lesson?  It couldn’t have been that I was nose-diving in a dune of cocaine by then or running away from home or too busy consumed with my relationshit with Iago.

Sure those things couldn’t have helped, but I can’t quite put my finger on it… I know it’s going to have to take a lot more digging and more soul searching to figure out why this slut just never learned how to cross her legs like a proper lady.

Here’s to 347 Days, Veronica Graham, You can totally lose your virginity more than once-