Archive for Jesus and Jezebel

Day 37: “Jesus vs. the Vow “

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 30, 2011 by Veronica Graham

I met with Mother Graham briefly today before work because I promised her I would see her once I got back from filming. She knows about my blog but has never read it to my knowledge, but knows it’s a vow of abstinence… which has to do with Jesus- ALL things have to do with Jesus when it comes to my mother. 

I told her about my kiss and she told me that meant I was no longer celibate.  Then we got into a fight.

So I kissed a guy, after to talking to MG about it I felt guilty. 

I looked up the definition once again of what celibacy means because it was starting to get to me that I may have broken my vow. Luckily, kissing isn’t referred to as sexual intercourse but MG begs to differ… Celibacy is not having sexual relations with someone- period, according to mother dearest. Sex, oral, fingering and anal would be considered breaking my vow according to the Bible, but my point going into this was not a religious venture.  This vow was about no sex- I’m not allowed to have a dick entering my vagina.  Sex is where things go array for me… so did I feel guilty about my midnight kiss with Nice-Shy-Guy?  NO… until I spoke with my mother.  

“You can’t be around temptation.”  “What about all the girls reading your blog?”  “What if you can’t say no one of the times?”  This is my mother’s concern and started to become mine after our lunch date.

Being in Ocean City and in my life in general- I’ve had opportunities to kiss guys… but for the first time I felt like I CHOSE this Nice-Shy-Guy to kiss… it was more than just circumstantial and two horny adults wanting to get some action.  I felt like the situation and the guy was too perfect to pass up.  I was at a bar earlier with guys looking for girls to get into trouble with and they were not worthy of my first kiss.  

My talk with Mother Graham gave me the chance to think about what this vow means to me:  If I meet a guy tonight and he fingers me- yes, that would be considered… a backwards step.  If I’ve been in a relationship for months and we break the “fingering” barrier.. no, I don’t believe that’s wrong.  If we have sex before Day 366, that’s blatantly breaking my vow.  

At the end of the day this vow is about finding myself, being someone who can be a good friend and girlfriend, and finding love.  This doesn’t mean that if I’m single at day 366, I’m going to look for a one-night-stand.  I can’t.  But I do know that sex is a part of relationships- a healthy part of one.  If I meet a guy on Day 100- no, we will not have sex, but I do think it would be healthy step to make out and then move onto 2nd base and then to blow jobs and fingering until my vow is up and we’re READY for sex.

Going into this vow was a pretty rash decision for me, but now that I’m 37 days into it- it’s one of the healthiest decisions I’ve ever had to make for myself.  I’ve had to really think about how I am to the people I’m around and what things MEAN to me (like what does celibacy mean and why I’m doing this for myself.)  I’ve also observed more than I ever have before in my life.  I observe how people interact with one another- how guys treat a drunk gal at a bar vs. a classy one sipping on a martini, why people go for “types,” and other things that I’ve yet to master.

My mother loves Jesus.  Obsessed with Jesus.  Jesus is her life.  She’s the type of person that would frame a piece of toast that had Jesus’s face burnt into it.  I love Jesus too and although I am religious, every aspect of my life doesn’t revolve around Jesus.  I’ll pray and ask for guidance and I do feel like I see God in the good things in life… but for so long, I haven’t been a good thing in life (for myself and others) and I need to look internally to make myself a better person, a kinder person, and a less slutty person.

This video was sent to me by Kimmie once (who did wait for love before losing her V-Card) and it was sent to her by a childhood friend worried for her while she was in college to warn her about them evil college boys.  I might have thought the video and song was lame a few years back, but it hit home with me and maybe will for others as well.   

Here’s to 329 Days, Veronica Graham, Love you, Mom- but damn, this Jesus talk is wearing on me!