Archive for Kimmie

Day 38: “Memorial Day Instincts”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on May 31, 2011 by Veronica Graham

For this Memorial Day, I didn’t go to a barbecue, didn’t get wasted, and didn’t go to a pool, but I can say that all around- it was a pretty good day lost in my thoughts. I thought a lot of Mother Graham and her Jesus ranting about how I’ll go to hell if I don’t start going to church and if I believed that someone I cared about would go to hell- burn for eternity- for not following certain rules– like, REALLY believed that… how can you not go a little crazy and rant to the one you love?  Another person on my mind was another crush I developed while filming- the eccentric sound guy.  There was something about him that was so intriguing and interesting to me- it’s been hard not to think about him and how I would love to sit down with him and have a cup of coffee- I mean, cup of sex.  

I flirted with the sound guy a little during filming and even told him to call me to make dinner reservations while I gave him my business card, but something tells me that he thought I was joking.  The truth is:  I love weird guys.  Guys that are smarter than me, usually older than me, and can understand my weird side when it comes out.  Today is the last day of filming for him and I’m wondering if he’ll bite the bullet and call me for that dinner date… probably not, but it’s all right, for this guy- I’m willing to be a little more aggressive to let him know I’m not joking around.

I spent a little bit of time at the National Harbor today with Kimmie- one, because it’s a few minutes away from me and two, because
it seemed like the Memorial Day thing to do.  I saw the statue of “The Awakening,” and couldn’t help but admire his stone biceps… Hey, I’m a recovering slut and there are some thoughts that will enter my mind no matter what.  The statue is similar to the Greek figure, Enceladus- one of Gaia’s giants that challenged the Gods and was speared by Athena and buried beneath the earth.  In “The Awakening,” the giant looks like he’s trying to escape earth and I think about the times I’ve challenged God myself and the ways I’ve been speared down… just trying to dig myself up again to cause more trouble.  When I told my mother about the sound guy, she immediately started ranting about things God has told her about this man, “he’s into really kinky sex” she said.  

“I JUST told you about him!” I said to her.

“Well, I already knew about him, because God told me.”

I want to be able to make good choices, but one of the things about me is that I’m up for pretty much anything- I don’t think this is a bad trait…  How do I balance the two?  Spontaneous behavior- enjoying life to its fullest and making good choices for myself?  So many things come in hindsight- like maybe Nice-Shy-Guy would have been a serial killer and I would have probably regretted the midnight kiss… but he wasn’t.  I feel like my intuition is good enough, that if I tune in- I can listen to it enough to see what moments are good or dangerous.

A friend that I haven’t been in too much contact with called me tonight to hang out.  I love her, she’s a good person and a good friend… the problem is the guy she is seeing reminds me so much of Iago that it scares me to be around him.  I know he’s dangerous- to her and to myself.  How do I balance being a friend to her and avoid him?  Especially when I see her drowning in his grip.  I want to be there as a friend to her, but I’m afraid that if I make too much of a presence around this guy… it’s only a matter of time before something terrible happens.  He’s a criminal, just like Iago… and there’s something not quite right about him… just like Iago.  The “something” doesn’t come from his words or actions, it’s just a vibe I get- but the vibe is so potent, that I can’t believe it’s not real.

Another piece of advice always given to me was “to always listen to your instincts.”  A feeling or vibe is nature’s way of letting you know when danger is near… but being someone who is driven by emotion so much, it’s difficult for others and even myself to take me seriously when I do feel something.  For now, I think I’ll see my friend and leave when or if he arrives… but man, I can’t shake that feeling of impending doom… whether it be her or me…

Here’s to 328 Days, Veronica Graham, Hey Sound Guy– Call me!  Seriously.  😉

Day 36: ” First Kiss”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 29, 2011 by Veronica Graham

So, I do realize this is coming a day late- but I didn’t get home until about 4:30 in the morning from filming yesterday (or I guess, technically earlier today…)  Kimmie and I arrived at our hotel room at Ocean City on Friday, beautiful suite room with the ocean in our backyard.  It was an amazing and productive day and later on, we met up with some of the cast and crew at a restaurant for a couple of drinks.  An early call time and a LONG shoot day had us head out early and pass out, but not before I wrote my Day 35 entry.

When Kimmie and I travel together, we talk nonstop.  We’ll talk the entire way traveling and talk before we go to bed, we turn into 3rd graders at a sleepover.  Mostly talking about our passions, what we’re going to wear, family, and of course, the guys in our life.  After Kimmie had fallen asleep, I found myself suddenly wide awake and stepped outside of my room for a cigarette.  Standing outside smoking as well was, Nice-Shy-Guy, smoking a cig as well, shivering from the nighttime cold.  We talked and I couldn’t help but admire this cutie.  There are moments when I look at my life and I think, “Damn, it sucks!” and then there was that moment Friday night– smoking a cigarette with this total cutie, who couldn’t even look me in the eye, and admiring the ocean.

“Do you want to jump in the ocean with me?” I asked the Nice-Shy-Guy.

“Ummm…” he laughed shyly.  “It’s really cold out.”

“Come on!”  So maybe I also had a few glasses of wine.  “Don’t you want to just run out there and jump in the ocean and maybe make out?”

Nice-Shy-Guy laughed shyly again- totally turning me on.

“I’ll go in knee deep,” he agreed.

I couldn’t help but think about my vow, a little buzzed from the wine and drunk from the beach, I jumped back into my hotel room and woke up Kimmie.  “I want to make out with that guy out there, is that ok?”

Kimmie mumbled something back in her sleep, probably a “what?” but I took it as a “yes, friend!  It’s absolutely fine!”  I tried asking again, but she pulled the blanket over her head- a clear green light to have my first kiss since my vow… I mean, she wasn’t trying to stop me, right?

I ran outside and started running towards the ocean.  Nice-Shy-Guy followed me and I jumped in, not noticing the cold, with the moon light and the lights from the boardwalk illuminating the water just right for us to see exactly what was going on and with enough darkness to add to the allure of mystery as we two strangers kissed in the water.  I would run deeper into the ocean, loving the cold, and run back to the Nice-Shy-Guy for quick little make out sessions.  Being a Nice-Shy-Guy, he kept his hands to gentleman standards: On my arm, my back, and my face.  After about thirty minutes, I asked him how he was doing.

“I’m okay now,” he answered.  “My feet are numb, so they’re not cold anymore.”

I decided maybe it was time to release the guy.  I tip toed back into my hotel room and fell asleep.

The following morning, Kimmie’s alarm went off and she instructed me to get up and get ready for the shoot.  I was drowsy from only getting a few hours of sleep, but I was on my feet in no time, preparing coffee for the both of us.  I knew I would never see Shy-Nice-Guy again, but there was something about this kiss that satisfied me for my “first kiss.”  Sure, I could have waited for a potential boyfriend or a guy I would at least see again, but there was something about seizing the moment with this stranger that was completely (ok, maybe a little reluctantly) down for my midnight dip adventure.

I am the type of girl that tends to get carried away: with guys- a kiss turns to sex pretty easily, with drinks- one turns to five, with shopping- “just looking” turns to maxing out my credit card, and with fights- a harmless bicker with a good friend turns to mega fight with my arch nemesis.  I knew this guy wouldn’t take advantage of my drunken glee or my spontaneous nature- he was just a shy guy that I learned was once overweight, not too good with girls, from Baltimore, and just out for a cigarette.  He was the perfect guy for my first kiss and a spontaneous midnight swim on the beach was an ideal scene for it as well.  Given the way I approached him, he probably thought I did stuff like this all the time, but little did he know that before I was too slutty to spot a guy like him- someone who would treat me like a lady while indulging in my momentary fantasy.

The rest of the shoot was one of the longest I’ve been on, but it was also one of the best.  I was all smiles and it turns out good moods are contagious- no matter what obstacles we faced filming on a busy boardwalk on Memorial Day weekend, we were all in amazing spirits.

Here’s to 330 Days, Veronica Graham, it was a GREAT “first kiss,”he sure knew how to work that tongue!

Day 35: “Ocean City Blues”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on May 28, 2011 by Veronica Graham

Today started with Kimmie ringing my door bell for 45 mins and I had overslept my alarm.  When I finally answered the door because the dog was going nuts, she was giving me the death look.

“Do you want a cup of coffee?” I asked.

“NO,” she said.  “We gotta go.”  We were running late for Ocean City to be on set for an Independent film.  She was tapping her foot and we got into a full blown screaming match while I was packing.  Instead of saying, “Could you help me pack?”  It came out, “CAN’T YOU HELP ME PACK?”

“WHY DO YOU NEED ALL THIS STUFF?!”

“BECAUSE!!!”

“BECAUSE IS NOT ALL THAT LOGICAL!”

“WHATEVER.”

“WHATEVER!!!”

We finally got on the road and 20 mins later, we were laughing about our fight- one of the reasons I love being friends with Kimmie, she’s always able to let bygones be bygones after a good yelling session.  On the way to OC, Kimmie and I were talking about the demographic in DC- particularly when it came to dating and how frustrating the men in our city could be…

I remember working in a restaurant in DC and waiting on a table with two guys and overhearing one saying, “DC has the ugliest women.”

Then I read someplace that DC was ranked the 10th ugliest city in the Untied States.  I don’t know if I agree that DC is the UGLIEST city in the US (seems a little harsh), but it is one of the most RESERVED cities.  I find dating being difficult here because of how many reserved guys there are- so many promises with very little follow through or initiative.  Great dates that end with no move at the end.  Connections that turn into missed connections.  Here in Ocean City, I find the opposite problem:  The guys here are ridiculously forward.

Kimmie and I were walking to a restaurant to meet up with some of the cast and crew and on the way two guys walked by us.  “I’m from JERSEY!” one of them said.

We didn’t say much.  One of the guys walked right in front of Kimmie and said, “Can I have a hug?”

“No,” she said.

“Aw, come on!”

“I don’t want to give you a hug.” she could be such a bitch sometimes. 

The guy then moved to me, he grabbed my face and he said, “I want to touch your boobs!”

He TRIED to grab my boobs.  Yes, I have nice boobs, but seriously, what the hell??!  “You’re an asshole!” I yelled.  I couldn’t believe how aggressive he was.  Of course, he came back after Kimmie and I. 

“Hey!” He said.

“Get away from us,” Kimmie instructed the guy.

“Fuck my dick!” This guy says… yeah, a real genius this guy was.

I open my mouth and said, “You’re going home with your right hand because NOBODY will sleep with you!”

The guys scurried away from us, but honestly, I can’t say I’ve been in this position with a complete stranger before- especially at 4:00 in the afternoon.  After stressing about how many reserved guys there are in DC- I think I’d rather take that then the guys looking for trouble out here in Ocean City.  Ideally, I’d find a guy with a healthy medium- one who can follow through on promises made or not afraid to go in for a kiss at the end of a date, but it’s only been 35 days and I’ve yet to go on a date yet… so I guess I can wait a little longer before meeting that perfect balanced guy.

Tomorrow is a heavy day of filming– and once again, I must get to bed early in order to be a more productive person in the morning, but I’m thinking that maybe it’s time to post some “real” photos of me and the places I go.  This blog is no longer a secret to the people I know in my life and the people I don’t know… well, I guess it won’t make much of a difference if you know what I look like, will it?… well, maybe I’ll start that tomorrow… Don’t know if the sleep deprived Veronica is quite ready for that move tonight.

Here’s to 331 Days, Veronica Graham, There are NO hot guys here in OC- I should have packed Mr. Pinky-

Day 32: “I Fucked Your Boyfriend… Or Wanted To”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on May 25, 2011 by Veronica Graham

Today was a bad, bad day… A bad day.  A really bad day.  I felt tired, angry, and sick the entire day– What was this crazy feeling brewing deep in me like a keg of Modelos?… Guilt.  Ew, what an unpleasant feeling!  I haven’t been able to stomach it… today was one of the first days I looked in the mirror and hated who I saw:  My hair looks great but deep within my eyes– I saw a scumbag.  I’ve wronged so many people I’ve cared for in my life that it’s amazing the amount of second, fifteen, twenty-seven chances they’ve given me.

In AA, there’s this step that I never made it to and that’s the “I’m sorry” phase.  The thing is that I’m not in contact with many of these people… and I don’t know how to even begin to say I’m sorry.  For the first time in my life, all my wrong doings are starting to tap on my shoulder and whispering, “Confess…. confess… confess…” In a super creepy voice that I can’t take it anymore.

Here’s the people that still matter the most to me and I can’t be sorrier for what I’ve done to you:

KIMMIE:  3 years ago when I was in a fight with you, I’m sorry I contacted your boyfriend and asked him out to drinks and dinner in order to help me with my “math homework.”

WHITNEY:  I’m sorry I called your boyfriend to tell him about the shooting near Safeway… I wanted to call you, but didn’t know how to warn you about not getting shot without talking about how I flipped out on you over text message that one day.

JOY: I’m sorry I flirted with your boyfriend at work… He’s really hot, but you’re a nice girl and I need to avoid him like the Black plague.

HAZEL:  I’m sorry I slept with your dad.

MEGAN:  I’m sorry I kissed Keith… I knew you liked him and I kissed him anyway.

The words, ‘I’m Sorry’ are so difficult for me that every time I know I should say it, my throat tightens up and I can’t get it out.  Maybe I’m afraid of the reaction that I might get from it, but I need to learn how to say “I’M SORRY” out loud as a process of my Ho Recovery.  Thankfully, a couple of those girls are still my friends… and saying Sorry will come much easier in person for them than it will to those that hate the sound of my name.

Flirting has become so second nature to me that I’ve had no concept of boundaries with friendships in the past.  The truth of the matter is… I don’t know how to talk to women or how to be friends with one and how not to flirt with a human being with a penis.  And all this time, I’ve wondered why I have trouble maintaining female friends and why I’m so alienated.  I can honestly say that I’ve in someway, shape, or form I’ve screwed over every female friend in my life due to my insecurities.  I’ve slept with boyfriends… or wanted to- some of my friends had some hot boyfriends!… but the men in the lives of my female friends have no place in mine- I realize this now.  The girls were the ones who were friends with me.  I thought by being friends with their boyfriends was normal… but it’s not when the only way you know how to interact with a guy is by flirting…

 This is so far the hardest entry I’ve had to write so far… but the guilt was weighing on me so much, I just had to let it out that I know how I’ve behaved is wrong.  I’m sorry to all my current and former female friends for fucking, flirting, or even calling the men in your life- the truth of the matter is, the men never mattered and were never there for me as much as my girls were.  I’m starting to realize that I need to work on the basics of human relationships… I need to learn how to be a friend to other females before I can learn how to be a girlfriend…

I would give my pinky to smoke a blunt with you again, Whit… my left pinky… I use my right one a lot, actually.

Here’s to 334 Days, Veronica Graham, CHICKS BEFORE DICKS!

Day 30: “Eight Negative Pregnancy Tests”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 23, 2011 by Veronica Graham

THIRTY DAYS!  If this was a meeting with others just like me and sponsors- I’d be getting my one month chip.  Since I’m blogging and it’s just me and a bunch of anonymous and not-so-anonymous followers, I got my hair done instead.  It’s a little more than sun-kissed now, just shy of blonde, and sexy as hell.  My hairstylist hooked me up this afternoon- one, because she’s awesome and two, because my hair looked “shaggy” according to her and she didn’t want me running all over DC telling people that she’s the one who fixed me up without making sure I looked awesome.

Going through my room yesterday, I noticed my special bag of Negative Pregnancy tests.  There’s eight total in that bag.  This had partially to do with my ho-like behavior about a month ago and partially because I tend to get paranoid in that area.  My best friend, Kimmie, has been under a lot of stress lately and has been about three weeks late… so,  her paranoia began to set in.  I asked her about her recent-non-existent sex life and that it was probably impossible that she was pregnant.  “Can you get it from sleeping naked?”  “What about harboring sperm that live an unusually long time?”  “Or the second coming?!”   Kimmie tends to be a pretty logical gal, but this is just an example of how strong the pregnant-paranoia can be- you’ll doubt everything!  All logic flies out the window and those myths you heard in middle school are now facts- public toilets, dancing too close to someone, hold hands with someone that may have recently walked-the-dog (hey, we girls don’t always know what guys do in the bathroom…) and other things where the sperm might magically fly into our uterus and impregnate us with their poison-baby-making sperm.  The ruthless kind of sperm- the kind that doesn’t die when they make contact with oxygen and can wiggle their way through the barrier of clothing unscathed.  Who knows?  They’re microscopic and that’s pretty scary.

I pulled out my underwear drawer and tossed Kimmie a First Response Pregnancy test like I was some sort of backdoor dealer.  I have hundreds- ok, maybe not HUNDREDS, but a lot of brand new, waiting to be peed on, tests scattered all over my room for moments just like these.  Kimmie down a glass of water and the test came out, of course- negative.  BECAUSE NO, you can’t get pregnant from sleeping naked, sitting on public toilets and I bet Jesus will find another virgin to impregnate if there is a second time around… Like a good bad girl, she was ready to stash the test in a dumpster someplace far away from my home, but… I have a stash of hidden negative pregnancy tests.  Don’t judge me, I had no place to put them because my Dad and Step Mom keep watch on me like some kind of dangerous criminal- thinking that they’ll find bags of cocaine, needles, and probably weapons in our trash cans.  Since I have SO many of these “Ohmigod!  Am I…. Pregnant?” moments- I’m waiting until it can no longer be a possibility beyond paranoia to throw these out all at once.  Given Kimmie’s case, I realize there is no end to the paranoia and the negative tests must go.

Remembering the one time that my pregnancy test did come out positive, that double line showed up instantly!  There was no need to wait the 60 seconds or whatever it tells you on the instruction, because it pretty much screamed, “You’re pregnant, bitch!”  Of course, that time, I thought, “Oh… weird.  I got a defective test.  Let me take another… another defective test… weird.”  I took maybe 5 or 6- all saying positive before the panic started to set in.  Mind you, I was only 16 years old then, but I have a feeling the same denial would still happen to me now.  Anytime it’s impossible to get pregnant, I think it’s a possibility.  When I was showing all the symptoms of pregnancy and it was VERY likely (unprotected sex tends to make babies), I think the test is reading wrong.

I look at myself now, trying to turn my life around and realize it’s a pretty realistic possibility that I’ll never have children of my own.  I don’t want to go through pregnancy again until I’m married, and being 29 and single- vowing celibacy for a full year- it might be another few years after that before I’m married- or even meet the man I’ll marry and by then, it might be too late to have children.  At this point in my life, I feel like I’m OK with that, but I don’t know how I’ll feel when I’m looking for that positive pregnancy test and they’re all coming out negative… I’ll probably turn into Heather Graham from Miss Conception, looking to screw anyone my last day of ovulation.  For now, I’ll just think about dumping my eight negative tests and I’ll cross the positive-test bridge when I get to it… far, far in the future.

Here’s to 336 Days, Veronica Graham, sex can wait, masturbate! 

Day 28: “Rape Dreams and Rapture Outfits”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 21, 2011 by Veronica Graham

I had a dream last night that a faceless guy, took me by the neck and raped me. Taking away my celibacy before my year was up… I remember looking in the mirror in my dream with bruises around my neck, wondering how I would write about it the following day. When I woke up from this nightmare, I ran to the mirror- no bruises.. good sign and still had my panties on… good sign. Whew! But why couldn’t I shake off this unsettling feeling? Despite the fact that it’s a horrible nightmare, the feeling stuck with me nearly the entire day.
I went to dreammoods.com to read about what it means to dream about rape: “indicates vengeful or resentful feelings toward the opposite sex. You feel that you have been violated or that you have been taken advantage of. Something or someone is jeopardizing your self-esteem and emotional well-being.” So maybe I didn’t need to google it to figure it out, since the interpretation seems pretty “duh,” but it did make me think about the people I currently have in my life… and admittedly, there are still a few bad seeds lurking.

I look back on some situations where guys have treated me horribly- before/during/after sex. They seemed to have been able to sniff me out of a crowd as the type of girl that would allow this- but HOW? and WHY? The first problem was my clothing… I have very few shirts that aren’t low-cut (instead of my clothes being flattering, they’re just revealing)… the next problem- I wear heavy eye make up during the day (makes me look like a slut!)… and finally- I let guys talk down to me and I giggle like a fucking idiot cause I believe that’s flirting.
One night at a bar, long after my friends had left, I stuck around drinking and “flirting” with a really cute guy at the bar. The Military-Cutie bought me a drink and we went to the forbidden bar where I had met One-Night-Harley and the Military-Cutie bought me a few more drinks there to- enough to get me plastered. I drank everything willingly. I offered to drive him to home and on the way, I pulled over- wanting to make out! He put his hand up my skirt and I said, “No.” However, I did not push him away and the No came out more like, “tee hee hee noooo tee hee.” Yeah… not enough to convince him or myself. All this foreplay led to sex and once the Military-Cute reached his final “Oh!” he quickly slipped his pants back on and ran out of my car. WTF? WHAT THE FUCK???!!! Furious, disgusted, and shamed cannot describe how I felt- this guy treated me like a total prostitute! But… I was dressed and acting like a total prostitute.

A couple of months later, Kimmie and I are sitting at the same bar I met him. He starts to talk to her about pieces of conversation he overheard from her, “Korea,” “Dancing,” etc. He was actually stationed in Korea- they got to talking about local spots they both knew of and i was fuming. Kimmie had no idea what happened with this Military-Cutie and my Hulk side was boiling inside of me. Their conversation moved to dance- Kimmie does ballet and he seemed pretty familiar with the DC dance scene. “There’s a Martha Graham concert this Friday- Did you know about it?”
No,” Kimmie said.
“YOU’RE NOT TAKING HER THERE!” I declared.
Awkward silence.
Both the Military-Cutie and Kimmie gave me the wtf-look.
I continued, “YOU’RE A SCUMBAG!”
Kimmie mouthed to me, “what’s going on?”
I gave her the look, but not sure how it came across since I was a little drunk. I meant to say, “He’s no good!” it might have come across as, “I’m a CRAZY bitch!”
Needless to say, it was a “Check please!” night and Kimmie and I left shortly after my outburst. But what the hell? Why is he trying to take to her an expensive ass concert and me to a cheap bar??!! Don’t get me wrong here- I love Kimmie and not jealous- she deserves to be taken to concerts- but why is this scumbag treating us differently? Maybe it’s because she doesn’t wear shirts that reveal cleavage, or wear three-stage-smokey-eye makeup at noon, and more importantly, doesn’t laugh when being talked down to.
So, to get my mind off my dream and to be more proactive, I grab lunch, went to Walgreens and bought myself my Rapture outfit for tomorrow (a purple crinkle shirt that was the rage back in middle school… I couldn’t resist), went to buy non-slutty flattering clothes for the Tribulation, and made a hair appointment for Sunday- cause when I get Left Behind, I’m going to look good burning in volcano lava… and whatever else is going to happen. I also cut out probably the biggest bad-seed from my life, unfortunately, that person is tied to an old friend of mine that I care about very much… However, if a change is going to be made for me- I need to make active changes and not sitting around hoping for things to change.

Here’s to 338 Days, Veronica Graham, I’m always here for you when you’re ready to leave that asshole, friend…

Day 26: “5 Worst Dates EVER and News”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on May 19, 2011 by Veronica Graham

Today was a good day in news: Osama has “officially”  been “unofficially” replaced, Arnold’s mistress was revealed, a 13 year old facebook user with blue hair was interrogated by the secret service for posting a concern about suicide bombers, a woman was told by Southwest airlines she was too fat to fly unless she and her mother sat together with another overweight woman (makes so much sense!), and DC 101 Chili Cook Off is this Saturday- the same day the world is supposed to end according to Harold Camping followers.

Today, another piece of big news happened for me: On Today, Day 26, is the first day I’ve been asked out on a date since my vow!  It was a vague invitation- and yes, something more than just booty calls that I ignore.  Now, how to rewire my thoughts from sex to date… yes, they are two different things I’m learning.  Decent men DO exist– I’ve heard this someplace.  Not all girls are sluts!– I’ve actually seen some of this from time to time…  It’s amazing that nearly a month has gone by before I’ve gotten a lunch invitation!  Usually I’m the aggressor and now, taking a back seat from.. er, aggressing, I got a unconfirmed invite to lunch by a total hottie with a great personality!  So hot in fact, I’m gonna have to learn how to sit on my hands without seeming weird- probably wear a skirt to blame the “AC” on my “hands being cold.”

Being prone to nervous awkwardness, bad dates come by every now again, but having a history of sleeping around- thankfully, I haven’t gone on too many dates, so I’m able to talk about nearly all of them:

1. LOS TIOS, Del Ray:  The cursed Restaurant.  I’ve gotten trashed here with every LUNCH date I’ve ever been on.  This is usually because I’m too nervous to listen to the staff and their thick accents and they always say, “Margarita?”  I don’t know what I THINK they say, but I always say “Yes.”  A fish bowl of Margarita sits in front of me, where I look at my date, embarrassed and say, “I don’t usually drink this early… but I don’t want to be rude.”  I get trashed. TRASHED.  Strongest Margaritas in the world, they should have a warning sign… seriously.

2. The Animal Lover:  This guy had no pets, but in the middle of making out after a great evening together- all of a sudden he starts head butting me like a cat does… I’ll pause, not really knowing what to do except to continue making out, but then he would pause, look at me- and headbutt me… Totally killed my mood.  So maybe I SHOULDN’T have said, “Are you headbutting me like a fucking cat?… It’s making me sick… literally sick… like I’m gonna need a bucket if you do that one more time.”

3. The Face Planter:  After a few drinks at my favorite local bar, I met this guy.  Got along great!  Of course, we went back to his place where I noticed a framed picture of a girl on his dresser.  “Is that your girlfriend?” I asked.  He walks over to the picture and plants it face down, ready to get going.  I flip out, wake up his roommates, screaming, “YOU’RE A SCUMBAG!!!”  I saw this guy again another night hand in hand with his girlfriend.  I said Hi to him and asked how his girlfriend was as I face planted a standing drink menu… let’s just say, he shooed her out of there and they left me alone at MY bar.

4. The Coward:  A night out with Iago and his friends, I called Kimmie and her roommates, Trevor and Ian to join us.  The brothers were two very good looking and charismatic guys that drew a lot of attention: by females.  Iago’s males friends felt threatened, used their poor dress habits to pretend like they were thugs to pick a fight with the brothers.  Kimmie, Trevor, and Ian instantly turned to leave the bar when Iago’s stellar friends followed the three of them out.  I looked to Iago to help my friends, but when he stood there stunned and frightened- I was suddenly embarrassed to be with him and his poor company.  Thankfully and expectedly, the guys were no match for Kimmie’s cutting tongue and they ran away with their tails between their legs.

5. The Other Coward:  A night out with Rich-Married-Man, he noticed me eyeing a group of beautiful black men at the end of the bar.  RMM feeling insecure with the size of his penis and a few too many drinks started talking shit to these four large black men that looked like they played defense for the Redskins.  I said, “Sorry, sorry, sorry” for RMM’s sake.  We left the bar and a large Escalade rolled up next to us and one of the beautiful black guys stuck his head out and say, “Hey Boy…”  RMM tackled me into a bush to hide- pressing my face down into a bed of poison ivy… Yeah, buddy, that was three weeks of swelling and medication for me.

I’m not anticipating a bad date with this hottie, but I do think I should probably stay away from Margaritas.  I’ll let HIM pick the place- far far away from Del Ray.

Here’s to 340 Days, Veronica Graham, this damn world better not end on Saturday… seriously-