Archive for Movies

Day 46: “One-Night-Film-Geek”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on June 8, 2011 by Veronica Graham

Today I ran errands.  I bought a new camera, since my last one broke during filming in Ocean City (dropped it in the damn sand!) and got my car some love at Jiffy Lube before I have to go on a reshoot down in Virginia Beach next week.  The connections that are made on film sets are so special to me: it’s like a second family. Each set is different and you meet new people in the industry and spend hours upon hours on end working towards a common goal. You are able to be yourself and are exposed to the rawness and importance of teamwork. You wake up at the ass crack of dawn to bring you’re skill to the table with complete strangers and end up forming unique bonds unlike any other by the time the filming process has ended.

You’re good and bad sides come out on a set, and I mean GOOD and BAD.  You see everyone at their best and worst moments- like, WOW!  I can’t believe you pulled off that performance, that was amazing!  And just plain ‘ol melt downs.  There is a general rule on sets to not sleep with the people you work with and honestly, it’s both hard and easy.  It’s hard because you do form strong connections with others and it’s easy because you’re too damn busy to get down.  Unfortunately, I had to learn this lesson- like all my lessons- the hard way, when after filming, I got busy with a crew member from a film set.

Set crushes are natural, but I think having someone to go home to that isn’t involved in film (or your latest project) is good to keep you grounded.  After a long, tedious shoot from a feature film I work on last summer, I developed a crush (well, a ton of crushes, actually) on the director, a crew member, and a few of the actors.  After filming wrapped, I kept in touch with the crew guy (among all the others), but things turned hairy when we made arrangements to talk about freelancing in DC over “dinner.” Dinner turned to oysters and drinks.  My sensible friend, Kimmie, was against this idea.

Everything was fine until I went back to his house to chill. I was wasted and I couldn’t, well…didn’t want to drive home. I was SHIT faced and horny. I was slurring and trying to be cute at the same token. Yeah, I just came across as a total slut. I was the one who initiated the sex. He told me NO! Ugh, the nerve of this guy. I took NO for a maybe and convinced him to sleep with me that night. The next morning while I was passed out on his floor, I weaseled my way back into his bed to “talk”. He told me that if I ever told anyone what happened he would deny it. I was used to this type of comment from men and it wasn’t like he was the first. I said I would keep my mouth shut.

Everything was fine, or at least I thought it was. I had this dirty little secret under wraps because I woulld never tell and he would just deny it anyway. Right? Wrong…he told people that I would call him ALL the time and chat it up because I was obsessed with him. I did call him ALL the time, and he did talk to me for hours. I liked him, or at least I thought I did. I thought he was funny and a straight shooter- no pun intended. He wasn’t.

 Here’s to 320 Days, Veronica Graham, Don’t shit where you sleep-

Day 36: ” First Kiss”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on May 29, 2011 by Veronica Graham

So, I do realize this is coming a day late- but I didn’t get home until about 4:30 in the morning from filming yesterday (or I guess, technically earlier today…)  Kimmie and I arrived at our hotel room at Ocean City on Friday, beautiful suite room with the ocean in our backyard.  It was an amazing and productive day and later on, we met up with some of the cast and crew at a restaurant for a couple of drinks.  An early call time and a LONG shoot day had us head out early and pass out, but not before I wrote my Day 35 entry.

When Kimmie and I travel together, we talk nonstop.  We’ll talk the entire way traveling and talk before we go to bed, we turn into 3rd graders at a sleepover.  Mostly talking about our passions, what we’re going to wear, family, and of course, the guys in our life.  After Kimmie had fallen asleep, I found myself suddenly wide awake and stepped outside of my room for a cigarette.  Standing outside smoking as well was, Nice-Shy-Guy, smoking a cig as well, shivering from the nighttime cold.  We talked and I couldn’t help but admire this cutie.  There are moments when I look at my life and I think, “Damn, it sucks!” and then there was that moment Friday night– smoking a cigarette with this total cutie, who couldn’t even look me in the eye, and admiring the ocean.

“Do you want to jump in the ocean with me?” I asked the Nice-Shy-Guy.

“Ummm…” he laughed shyly.  “It’s really cold out.”

“Come on!”  So maybe I also had a few glasses of wine.  “Don’t you want to just run out there and jump in the ocean and maybe make out?”

Nice-Shy-Guy laughed shyly again- totally turning me on.

“I’ll go in knee deep,” he agreed.

I couldn’t help but think about my vow, a little buzzed from the wine and drunk from the beach, I jumped back into my hotel room and woke up Kimmie.  “I want to make out with that guy out there, is that ok?”

Kimmie mumbled something back in her sleep, probably a “what?” but I took it as a “yes, friend!  It’s absolutely fine!”  I tried asking again, but she pulled the blanket over her head- a clear green light to have my first kiss since my vow… I mean, she wasn’t trying to stop me, right?

I ran outside and started running towards the ocean.  Nice-Shy-Guy followed me and I jumped in, not noticing the cold, with the moon light and the lights from the boardwalk illuminating the water just right for us to see exactly what was going on and with enough darkness to add to the allure of mystery as we two strangers kissed in the water.  I would run deeper into the ocean, loving the cold, and run back to the Nice-Shy-Guy for quick little make out sessions.  Being a Nice-Shy-Guy, he kept his hands to gentleman standards: On my arm, my back, and my face.  After about thirty minutes, I asked him how he was doing.

“I’m okay now,” he answered.  “My feet are numb, so they’re not cold anymore.”

I decided maybe it was time to release the guy.  I tip toed back into my hotel room and fell asleep.

The following morning, Kimmie’s alarm went off and she instructed me to get up and get ready for the shoot.  I was drowsy from only getting a few hours of sleep, but I was on my feet in no time, preparing coffee for the both of us.  I knew I would never see Shy-Nice-Guy again, but there was something about this kiss that satisfied me for my “first kiss.”  Sure, I could have waited for a potential boyfriend or a guy I would at least see again, but there was something about seizing the moment with this stranger that was completely (ok, maybe a little reluctantly) down for my midnight dip adventure.

I am the type of girl that tends to get carried away: with guys- a kiss turns to sex pretty easily, with drinks- one turns to five, with shopping- “just looking” turns to maxing out my credit card, and with fights- a harmless bicker with a good friend turns to mega fight with my arch nemesis.  I knew this guy wouldn’t take advantage of my drunken glee or my spontaneous nature- he was just a shy guy that I learned was once overweight, not too good with girls, from Baltimore, and just out for a cigarette.  He was the perfect guy for my first kiss and a spontaneous midnight swim on the beach was an ideal scene for it as well.  Given the way I approached him, he probably thought I did stuff like this all the time, but little did he know that before I was too slutty to spot a guy like him- someone who would treat me like a lady while indulging in my momentary fantasy.

The rest of the shoot was one of the longest I’ve been on, but it was also one of the best.  I was all smiles and it turns out good moods are contagious- no matter what obstacles we faced filming on a busy boardwalk on Memorial Day weekend, we were all in amazing spirits.

Here’s to 330 Days, Veronica Graham, it was a GREAT “first kiss,”he sure knew how to work that tongue!

Day 35: “Ocean City Blues”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on May 28, 2011 by Veronica Graham

Today started with Kimmie ringing my door bell for 45 mins and I had overslept my alarm.  When I finally answered the door because the dog was going nuts, she was giving me the death look.

“Do you want a cup of coffee?” I asked.

“NO,” she said.  “We gotta go.”  We were running late for Ocean City to be on set for an Independent film.  She was tapping her foot and we got into a full blown screaming match while I was packing.  Instead of saying, “Could you help me pack?”  It came out, “CAN’T YOU HELP ME PACK?”

“WHY DO YOU NEED ALL THIS STUFF?!”

“BECAUSE!!!”

“BECAUSE IS NOT ALL THAT LOGICAL!”

“WHATEVER.”

“WHATEVER!!!”

We finally got on the road and 20 mins later, we were laughing about our fight- one of the reasons I love being friends with Kimmie, she’s always able to let bygones be bygones after a good yelling session.  On the way to OC, Kimmie and I were talking about the demographic in DC- particularly when it came to dating and how frustrating the men in our city could be…

I remember working in a restaurant in DC and waiting on a table with two guys and overhearing one saying, “DC has the ugliest women.”

Then I read someplace that DC was ranked the 10th ugliest city in the Untied States.  I don’t know if I agree that DC is the UGLIEST city in the US (seems a little harsh), but it is one of the most RESERVED cities.  I find dating being difficult here because of how many reserved guys there are- so many promises with very little follow through or initiative.  Great dates that end with no move at the end.  Connections that turn into missed connections.  Here in Ocean City, I find the opposite problem:  The guys here are ridiculously forward.

Kimmie and I were walking to a restaurant to meet up with some of the cast and crew and on the way two guys walked by us.  “I’m from JERSEY!” one of them said.

We didn’t say much.  One of the guys walked right in front of Kimmie and said, “Can I have a hug?”

“No,” she said.

“Aw, come on!”

“I don’t want to give you a hug.” she could be such a bitch sometimes. 

The guy then moved to me, he grabbed my face and he said, “I want to touch your boobs!”

He TRIED to grab my boobs.  Yes, I have nice boobs, but seriously, what the hell??!  “You’re an asshole!” I yelled.  I couldn’t believe how aggressive he was.  Of course, he came back after Kimmie and I. 

“Hey!” He said.

“Get away from us,” Kimmie instructed the guy.

“Fuck my dick!” This guy says… yeah, a real genius this guy was.

I open my mouth and said, “You’re going home with your right hand because NOBODY will sleep with you!”

The guys scurried away from us, but honestly, I can’t say I’ve been in this position with a complete stranger before- especially at 4:00 in the afternoon.  After stressing about how many reserved guys there are in DC- I think I’d rather take that then the guys looking for trouble out here in Ocean City.  Ideally, I’d find a guy with a healthy medium- one who can follow through on promises made or not afraid to go in for a kiss at the end of a date, but it’s only been 35 days and I’ve yet to go on a date yet… so I guess I can wait a little longer before meeting that perfect balanced guy.

Tomorrow is a heavy day of filming– and once again, I must get to bed early in order to be a more productive person in the morning, but I’m thinking that maybe it’s time to post some “real” photos of me and the places I go.  This blog is no longer a secret to the people I know in my life and the people I don’t know… well, I guess it won’t make much of a difference if you know what I look like, will it?… well, maybe I’ll start that tomorrow… Don’t know if the sleep deprived Veronica is quite ready for that move tonight.

Here’s to 331 Days, Veronica Graham, There are NO hot guys here in OC- I should have packed Mr. Pinky-

Day 23: “America the Beautiful”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on May 16, 2011 by Veronica Graham

Today I watched a documentary called America the Beautiful by Darryl Roberts.   In the very beginning of the documentary he talks about an amazing woman he had and let go of because he believed there were plenty of other fish in the sea…. It seems as though he was proven wrong and she married another man and had a couple of kids, as happy as could be.

I think about my relationship with Iago and one of his tactics to keeping me around was complaining about the way I looked, “You’re not even that good looking,” “What are you going to do about your skin breaking out?”  “You need to lose weight.”  All these made me feel less worthy- that if I could be a pretty, clear-skinned, skinny individual than I would be good enough for him.  Let’s just say I wore a lot of black while dating him.

This idea of the “perfect” girl in our society and how the media has brainwashed the minds of both men and woman make me wonder if we’re doomed.  From what I’ve noticed, the male population is saturated with flawless and photoshop versions of women in their every day lives to make the average woman feel shameful and unfulfilled- and feel lucky to have any good looking guy- even if he is a prisoner.

Looks aren’t the only department that suffers here.  MTV, music videos, and movies pollute our minds of the “PERFECT” woman.  Kimmie often gets criticized in relationships for being “boring,” “grandma-ish,” and a “workaholic.”  This girl can party every now and again, but is unlikely to on a night when she needs to get up early in the morning, she likes to keep her days productive and works hard- in her very Asian way.  Guys seems to expect me to constantly be working on how to improve my appereance while guys expect her to improve her “wild child” ways.  Are there any guys truly satisfied?  Has the media brainwashed us to expect not only the unattainable but the fantasy?

I was admiring my work crush again today and when this super cutie started hitting on me… it seemed as though my crush noticed me more.  Ooooo, I thought at first- but at the same time, What the hell?  Do I need the attention of someone else to get yours???

I feel like one of the most insulting things about the documentary I watched was when a guy interviewed said, “Looks are 70% of a relationship,” because girls just tend to be less intelligent then guys.  Sure, yeah, that’s what women are all about- Big dicks, money, good looks, money, six packs, and money, right?  What ever happened to the modern age where us women could make our OWN money?  I have Tiffany’s jewerly that I bought on my own dime, assholes!  AND where there is a woman that can fend for her own, she’s too boring because lap dances, blow jobs, and sandwiches aren’t being offered once you get home to that hottie… So is it really expected that we need to look like 10s, act like whores, be super moms, and top noche career women all at once?  Why don’t guys get the same expectation?  So, they may LOOK good and that makes up for their empty pockets or they might be rich, but that’s their excuse to let themselves go and still expect the perfect 10?

I think about when Iago gained weight during our relationship and I loved him.  Maybe I shouldn’t have- because he treated me horribly and was in prision for eight years, but I still loved him when he got fat.  Thinking back on those comments that made me run around in black during the summer infuriate me now!  Do you know how hot DC Summers are???  They’re torture!

Thank God for men like Darryl Roberts to appreciate us women the way we’re made… Now, that’s hot!

Here’s the 343 Days, Veronica Graham, I hope all my children are boys-

AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL TRAILER 

Day 18 : “Pandora’s Box”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 11, 2011 by Veronica Graham

This evening I finally got to watch Easy A, you know the teen movie with Emma Stone and that hot guy from Gossip Girl (his name escapes me right now), about a girl who pretends to be a slut and broadcasts the truth on the internet.

Unfortunately, I can’t say I’m pretending any of my slutdom, however, I have found that my internet broadcast helps me to be as honest and as forthright as possible- to others and to myself.  It’s impossible to lie when you know the very people that these stories are about are reading them as well.  In the end of the movie, Olive (Emma Stone’s character) cleared her name, regained her good reputation and got the guy!  It’s only Day 18 for me and it’s impossible to predict where this will lead me at the end of my year long journey.

However, I do know at this early stage, there are some truths that I still feel funny about revealing… I know, I know, what could be worse than what I’ve already admitted, right??!  I wish I could keep somethings locked away forever in my own little Pandora’s Box, but I know eventually I’m going to have to open it up and deal with my past honestly and confront the people I’ve hurt.  This has been (so far) my most effective form of therapy in 29 years, so thank you for all your support in helping me go through all this damn baggage!

Here’s to 348 Days, Veronica Graham, I’m glad I didn’t have a facebook account in High School- Damn!