Archive for Stupid Girls I Hate

Day 22: “Kindergarten Teacher Vs. Swimsuit Model”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on May 15, 2011 by Veronica Graham

Last night my brother came home from college, spending a few days in DC before he starts his summer internship in New York City.  He is the child that makes my father and step mother believe they are awesome parents, because he came out- well, pretty perfect… Like science experiment perfect.  My brother’s girlfriend is coming in to town tomorrow night to stay with him before he leaves for the summer- she’s a cute, homely looking, blond.  I think about the kind of girl I’ve always pictured with my brother, a Victoria’s Secret model with a mensa IQ… and this girl seems, well, a little ordinary (in my opinion.)  Kind of like a kindergarten teacher.

Perhaps ordinary is the wiser choice, a Vicky’s Secret girl is sure to keep a lot of secrets, huh?  And the guys I’ve chosen haven’t been all that ordinary and I’ve had to pay for it.  The good looking millionaire- FAILED relationship # 282838, The good looking lawyer- FAILED relationship # 84838, the ex-convict- FAILED relationship # 18738, and the Utah Family Vacation dream guy that flew to DC for Valentines Day to see me- FAILED RELATIONSHIP # 20.  But, I’ve found that “ordinary” guys rarely get past the 3rd date with me, somewhere between hearing about laundry and walking their dog- I fall asleep.  LET’S TALK ABOUT GOD, or DREAMS, or POLITICS, or SOMETHING INTERESTING FOR CRYING OUT LOUD?!  No?  Don’t want to talk about any of those things?  OK, let’s just have sex then.  <– why I’m not dating right now.

When I say “Ordinary” I don’t mean it in a bad way, but I do mean, lack charisma, spark, and the kind of guy that gets lost in a crowd– the kind of guy who’s name I’ll never remember.  I know this sounds harsh, but years of cocaine really did affect my memory retention.  This ordinary girl just doesn’t seem to fit my oddly perfect brother.  He’s tall, good looking, weirdly smart, and knows how to party- kind- of- guy.  He’s one of the most honest and virtuous individual I’ve ever met… In a nutshell, I look up and learn a lot from my little bro.  So, why is the fact that he’s with Susie Sunshine bothering me so much?  Do I have unrealistic expectations for him?  That he’s selling himself short?  I’m the overbearing and over protective older sister and no girl will ever be good enough for him?

Yes, yes, yes?


This is why.  None of the guys I’ve been with were good enough for me according to my brother- the not-ordinary and the ordinary.  None of them have made the cut and he was right about all of them.  Guy after guy I introduced to my family, my brother would give me his blank stare and say, “Are you fucking kidding me?”  Words like, “Boring,” “Broke,” “Douche-bag,” “Just Not Right For You,” and “Prisoner” would escape his lips.  Sure, I ignored him, but his “high” expectations of me should be my expectation for myself- anything less would be settling.

Sure, I support my little bro, but until a mega hot swimsuit model, super genius girl with a killer sense of humor comes around- then I’ll be thinking, Damn, they got lucky to have a guy like him!  Often times, I feel like I sell myself short and if I would have just listened to my brother and my friends, I would have gotten out of my FAILED RELATIONSHIP- number ALL OF THEM, long before I was burned.

Why is it that we ignore those around us?  Are we just happy that we actually found someone?  Or we take their criticism of our choice in boyfriend/girlfriend as a reflection of ourselves?  Who knows?  But I do know, what I’ve been telling myself hasn’t worked for me and maybe I should be a little more open to the opinions around me, even if it’s just- “Eh, he’s just so ORDINARY

Here’s to 344 Days, Veronica Graham, I’ll be taking applications for model-genius for the job of my brother’s girlfriend-